I Got a New Attitude

“I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
Know where I'm goin' and I know what to do
I tidied up my point of view
I got a new attitude”

Friends, be forewarned, for today’s entry will baffle you, perplex you, confuse you - for today, I will be positive. No talk of partisan politics. No hyperbolic allusions to the evils of presidents past. And even...gasp...no shots at Sarah Palin! Today, I am a new man. And no, I do not refer to gender reassignment (all my best to Chaz Bono, by the way) or even little blue pills. I refer, instead, to a change of attitude. Today I send out nothing but good thoughts and positive energy. Today my caricature would resemble the little, round, yellow, smiley-face guy. For today is a day to celebrate and to congratulate.

Congratulations to the people of the Gulf region for, today, the leaking well has been plugged. And all it took was 3 months and the cutting edge technology of mud. But good news is still good news, and although this national nightmare is, in many ways, far from over, this is a gigantic step.

Congratulations to the Senate - that’s right, I said the 18% positive approval rated Senate - for breaking yet another Republican filibuster (uh oh, I’m sensing my goodness and light starting to fade already) and passing a 26 billion dollar state aid package that will save the jobs of teachers, police officers, fire fighters and some 100 thousand other public employees. As our Republican friends always say, jobs are priority one - except when they aren’t, like today, when 38 out of 40 of them voted against this measure. But thumbs up to the Senate majority anyway.

Congratulations to the wise and wonderful, Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker for overturning California’s Proposition 8 by declaring the banning of gay marriage to be unconstitutional and a violation of civil rights. You know who loves the constitution, don’t you…our Republican friends again. Now not so much in this case, of course, or in the case of the 14th Amendment, which they’re currently trying to reverse or even the 1st Amendment - all that freedom of religion stuff kind of rubs them the wrong way when it comes to Muslims - but really, they just love the constitution, really. Well, they’re certainly hog-wild about the 2nd Amendment anyway so let’s give them that as this is my glass half full day.

Congratulations to Alex Rodriguez for disproving the old saw, “cheaters never prosper.” And if he’s content to live with shrunken and non-functioning testicles, who am I to judge? (Just so you know, I will really attempt to make that my very last reference to the genitalia of any public figure.)

And finally, congratulations to Barack Obama, on this, his birthday. When first we met him, he was a vibrant, young looking man. Now, after a year and a half in the White House, he’s somewhat starting to resemble Grady from Sanford and Son - the job will surely age you. But thanks for Health Care, thanks for Financial Reform, Student Loan Reform and Credit Card Reform. Thanks for the largest middle-class tax cut in history and thanks for turning steady economic loss into steady economic growth, as slight as it is, when every pundit and economist declared that the next Great Depression was inevitable. So now, on this celebratory occasion, may I ask you to actually give a birthday present or two - nothing major mind you, just a few minor favors? Can we please close Gitmo? Can we finally eliminate the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy from the military? How about really tackling the related problems of climate change, dependence on fossil fuels and the lack of any real development in green and renewable forms of energy. And one last thing, and come on is this really asking so much, can we please bring all our military personnel home from Iraq, Afghanistan and, what the Hell while we’re at it, every other place in the Middle East? I promise, I’ll be your friend forever.