Sunday, May 21, 2017

Being Mrs.Trump: Is it Really Worth the Money?

It can’t be easy being betrothed to a sociopath, particularly one who is also the planet’s most rampant narcissist – a petty, minor, baby-man, powerless to love or admire any other being but the pumpkin-hued golem that adoringly and affectionately scowls in devotion and desire from the looking glass. To wed Trump is to pledge fidelity, faithfulness and affection to an unhinged, unstable, immoral monster incapable of returning said human sentiments in kind, and who believes sexual assault a rite of a relationship, as avowed and affirmed by first employee/wife, Ivana, in an early 1990’s courtroom deposition. For the sake of the mistresses and wives to follow, one would hope that Trump’s more brutal and depraved inclinations and disposition have subsided with the onset of his autumn years.

Wife #1
Now, no judgement intended or inferred, I’m a red-blooded American male, former youthful Playboy Club key holder, who has spied and appreciated more than his share of randy, ribald, erotic, dare I say, even suggestive, cave drawings, etchings, tintypes and snapshots in his time, but, the fact is that, rare has been the road to the White House that commenced with frequent nude modeling and continued with undocumented immigration.  With the possible exceptions of Dolly “Snack Cakes” Madison and Hannah “Va Va Voom” Van Buren, Melania Knauss’s specific rise to the Rose Garden is a true first among First Ladies.  Just remember the Republican uproar over Michelle Obama’s exposed, toned arms. “Oh my, I do believe my delicate sensibilities have been assaulted. I feel the vapors coming on!”

Wife #2
More unique, still, is the fact that this first lady, third employee/wife, appears under no actual obligation to live with her specious spouse, reside in the same general geographical quadrant of the continental United States, or have anything much to do with him at all. Infrequent, even, are the instances in which she will publicly admit knowledge of his existence.  “The Donald Trump, oh yes, I recall him, he walked into our dressing room as we were changing at a fashion show.”

Wife #3
And what are the terms of the matrimonial employment agreement? Does it vary from spouse to spouse to spouse (to spouse?) Is there a 401k and dental insurance, or perhaps, more aptly, comprehensive coverage for cosmetic reconstruction? Has each sorrowful consort, in turn, been contractually compelled to have (shudder) physical relations with the repulsive and hideous hobgoblin with reliable regularity, or is it exclusively intended for reproductive reasons - to usher another generation of ferret-faced thieves, liars and takers into the world?  

Ferret or Eric Trump? You decide.
Once a new Drumpf has suckled off the silver spoon, is the compensated Mom responsible for the upbringing while debauched Donald carries on with his very public sexual affairs and assaults, or does an army of au pairs nurture and raise bouncing baby billionaire after bouncing baby billionaire? At what age is each wife required to resign from her odious assignment,  deemed too long in the tooth to be worthy of the god among men, incomparable Adonis that is the unwavering vision the madman has of himself, rapidly replaced by a younger model that he financially procures? Donald already has the return receipt prepared to hustle wife number 3 back to her homeland, having surpassed previously established chronological confines; but for public appearances, currently delayed until at least the impeachment process inaugurates to initiate that exchange. And, finally, how bountiful a settlement does each divorcee receive for their years of service, and most significantly, their sworn silence?

Wife #4?
It somewhat struck me that parallels can be drawn between the desire of glamorous, accented, foreign wife Melania to remain in residence in her Manhattan penthouse apartment and the same desire of glamorous, accented, foreign wife Lisa Douglas to similarly stay in her opulent Gotham high-rise, as so well expressed in the opening theme song to the classic series, “Green Acres.” Or, probably, I’m kind of just stupid and was permitted to watch far too many hours of television as a child. Whatever the case may be, today’s bit of trumpery (Noun: 1. attractive articles of little value or use. Adjective: 1.showy but worthless) concludes with that well-remembered and beloved TV jingle, rejiggered for the present and extremely temporary, illegitimate First Couple.

Wife #5?


Donald: Lawbreaker is the name for me
I get away with each crime spree
Graft spreadin' out so far and wide
I’m heading to D.C. to profit off genocide

Melania: New York is where I'd rather stay
As you’ll be living far away.
I’ll love our penthouse without you
Dahling, I loathe you so give me 5th Avenue

Donald: The wars
Melania: Your whores
Donald: Hot air
Melania: Despair

Donald: You’re my paid wife
Melania: Good bye all our lives
Together: Lawbreakers, we are there

Enjoy the original “Green Acres” ditty, followed by a blog bonus, a wonderful moment from the most recent “Saturday Night Live,” a season-ending funereal farewell to the crime syndicate known as the Trump Administration.

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions?  Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com

Saturday, April 29, 2017

The Story of Mankind

As it has been awhile since the last posting, I thought it best to ease back into the fray with fun, fluffier, more frothy fare this go round – hence the title topic. But, fear not, this will be no drawn-out, diluted dissertation on the 2 million year entirety of homo-sapien existence and its multiple prior progenitors (or 4000 years in the GOP texts) but more of a contemplation on our current state of being since that devilish, deadly day that evolution began reversing itself - January 20th, 2017.

And so, let the liberal lecturing commence, feel free to take notes –

Boundaries are artificial, often arbitrary and meaningless, and far too frequently used by those who hate (see: Donald J. Trump and his 62 million traitors) as justification for otherwise inexcusable and indefensible intolerance, prejudice, and acts of aggression (see: every Fuhrer of 5th Avenue rally, every evil utterance escaping his loathsome lips, and every misspelled sign held in the gnarled claws of his dishonorable devotees.) But why fall into that treacherous, now treasonous, obvious and, to some, comfortable trap?

Ancient, uncivilized man (mmm, zebra)
Despite the danger of delving deeply into cliché country, it is imperative at this juncture to state an ofttimes already stated truism – there is only one race, the human race. We are all of one kind. There is no biological difference between the baby born in Bayonne and the baby born in Beirut; the toddler from Tenafly or the one from Tehran;  the newborn from Netcong or his peer in Nepal (clearly, I need to start straying beyond the borders of the Garden State.) “Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I want to take ya, Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go…” - heed those opiate-addled, wise words of the Beach Boys - it matters not your nation of origin, your spoken language, the flavor of deity that satisfies your druthers - look beyond the preconceived notions, the multiplicity of uncommon millinery, the variations in epidermal shadings and embrace the reality of commonality - all hearts beat the same, no man gets as much sex as he desires, and everyone likes the Beatles.

Irrespective of the baffling beliefs of the morally malignant minds of the Trump brigade, killing a North Korean, an Iranian or a Syrian, is no less a heinous act than killing an American – each is entitled to the same basic rights of life as are all inhabitants of this rapidly perishing planet, each is capable of fulfilling the same needs and achieving the same goals. Happenstance of an American birth does not bestow one with superiority nor the privilege to determine the worth of others.

Modern uncivilized man (a Trump rally)
Until such pie in the sky thinking becomes more commonplace and begins to take root, (never?)  we will, forever, be engaged in the non-stop warfare which has dominated, and destroyed, so much of society since the dawn of civilization. And while such combat does fiscally benefit the businesses and investments of Trump and his ilk; and leads his sightless supporters (there are none so blind as those who will not see) to perceive this cowardly 5 time draft dodger (oh, those poor tender tootsies) as a strong, forceful and decisive leader; to the common folk, who don’t have billionaire daddies to buy their babies out of battle, it can lead to just a senseless, premature departure from the world.

Naïve, it may very well be, but let it be proclaimed, today, that this blog will refuse to condone hatred simply because of contradictory geographical naissance, or cultural dissimilarities. And similarly, will not corroborate corrosive attitude and outlook merely because it may originate within the confines of the 50 states or from the less than hallowed halls of Congress or the now gravely sullied interior of the Oval Office.

"We are not men" More de-evolution at play at another Trump rally

“Off the Florida Keys, there's a place called Kokomo
That's where you want to go to get away from it all
Bodies in the sand, tropical drink melting in your hand
We'll be falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kokomo” -  The Beach Boys

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions?  Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

When Americans Reject America – Trump’s Troops Declare War

“This is why I have no patience for liberal talk of reaching out to Trump voters. There is no more a compromise point with those who accept, promote and defend bigotry, misogyny and xenophobia than there is a designation of 'almost pregnant.’”– Charles M. Blow, N.Y. Times
It’s time that we admit to, and confront, a challenging truth as a country. Our most dangerous enemy, our biggest threat, is not ISIS, not North Korea and not even Russia. And irregardless of the reckless rhetoric of the current regime, neither should we cringe in cowardly fear of immigrants, refugees, Mexicans nor the press – buzzwords of hate designed by Donald Il Duce, dictatorial doyenne of destruction, intended to rouse the rage of the racist and the simpleminded. But those who actually present the most consistent, insidious and precarious peril, pray in our pews, share our subways, tipple in our taverns – the 62 million voters who pulled a lever, popped a chad and turned their yellow streaked backs on everything that makes America great. The Trump loyalist fealty is not with these once United States, but now exclusively with a career criminal, thief, serial sexual predator and traitor.

Trump is the prevaricator in chief, deceitful about his weasely words and his dastardly deeds, despite hours of condemning recorded evidence exposing his ceaseless illegalities and vulgarities.  And his supporters share equally in his evils - fully informed of Trump’s sociopathy, misogyny, bigotry and admitted sexual criminality, the Trumpeter not only excuses and justifies the reprehensible behaviors but celebrates them in a shameful and unprecedented display of dishonesty and culpability. Witnessing ridicule of the physically disabled, they insist it fantasy. Hearing demonization of our military, intelligence agencies and judiciary, but fawning unadulterated praise and admiration for an adversarial murdering dictator, they proclaim him patriot. Learning of outside interference with our election, the very foundation of our democracy, by Trump’s invitation, they ally with Russia.

The Donald devotee is duplicity defined. And once their deity is dearly departed for decades of detention, their danger will endure. While Trump paces his 9 by 8, in a bright orange jumpsuit, his walking dead will riot in the streets, convinced by the carrot-colored cancer of his innocence, and the curse of a government conspiracy. The only truth they know is that which Trump tells them is the truth. Trump’s intolerant, sexist, anti-immigrant, and anti-American, white supremacist message will remain the malicious mantra and mission of the true believer - forever the quisling, violently violating the values, traditions and constitutional laws that built history’s greatest republic.  

Today, our nation risks loss of liberty, sovereignty and decency. Bigotry triumphs over brotherhood. Loathing triumphs over love. Today, Russia and white supremacists grin, and patriotic Americans grieve. And so, the battle rages on. The conflict continues and escalates. We must remain ever vigilant and resistant until Donald Trump is removed from office and tried for his crimes if there is ever to be legitimacy in our laws, truth in our traditions and validity in our values.  We, the people, have a duty to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States against enemies both foreign (Putin) and domestic (Trump.) If these disastrous days since inauguration find the Trump voter remaining steadfast in devotion to this treacherous turncoat, they are traitors and should be regarded and treated as such.

“This is a culture war in which truth is the weapon, righteousness the flag and passion the fuel. Fight, fight, fight. And when you are finished, fight some more. Victory is the only acceptable outcome when freedom, equality and inclusion are at stake.” – Charles M. Blow, N.Y. Times

Finally, as a necessary reminder of the country in which Donald and his disciples actually live, we conclude with a Whitney Houston classic.
Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions?  Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

B.R.A.T. – Bloggers Resistance Against Trump

"Save the Country Now"

If Donald J. Trump can destroy the country with his tweets,  we can save the country with our blogs.

There are an estimated 31 million bloggers in the United States, just slightly fewer than the number of fabrications articulated, thus far, in the initial four weeks of the illegitimate presidency of Russian marionette and Dexter Morgan doppelganger, Donald J. Trump. Each individual blogger has followers and an audience, large or small. Imagine the power and the scope of reach if just a reasonable fraction of those bloggers united behind the cause of sharing truth and reality, in this present-day American atmosphere of “alternative facts,” with the eventual, additional goal of ousting the mentally unstable, evil madman now in hostile and illegal occupation of the Oval Office. That is the basic concept behind B.R.A.T. – Bloggers Resistance Against Trump.

In this current calamitous political clime, it is truly the duty of all patriotic American citizens to take to heart our fundamental democratic concept of a government “of the people, by the people and for the people.” In preservation of our principles and values, we are all being called to embrace and preserve that vital and exceptional tenet - and doing so requires constant vigilance. Trump, Kellyanne Conway, Steve Bannon and the rest of the modern day S.S. have created their own reality and their own truths, and have gift wrapped this dangerous demagoguery in the perilous packaging of white supremacy, bigotry and xenophobia. The Trump followers, anxious to blame personal woes on an evil other, rather than take responsibility for any self-harmful actions or in-actions, gladly and willingly, reject the factuality of words and deeds they have witnessed themselves, and instead pay blind fealty to a hateful snake-oil salesman, accepting all of his malicious and obvious prevarications as indisputable gospel from on-high.

Not My President's Day Rally, New York City - 02/20/17
As individuals, blessed with the privilege and the power that the Constitution grants us all  - the right to express oneself, our First Amendment right of free speech (for now); and as an online community, it’s imperative that we keep up relentless pressure on this criminal enterprise. And even beyond that, it must be made crystal clear to Congress, that spineless assemblage of profiteers, that if they don’t finally evolve some rear vertebra and actually represent the people who elect and pay them by beginning to take the needed steps to remove Trump from office, then they shall be the ones swept away in a lava stream of voter anger and discontentment, seeking new employment post-2018 midterm elections.

This hoped for legislative insurgence should not really be seen as an impossible dream only posited possible or probable by us most dedicated and determined tilters at windmills. In a sense, this historically sad, pathetic and extremely explosive excuse for an executive branch was dead on arrival. Republicans find Trump an utter embarrassment, and are, in reality, equal in their loathing for him as any Democrat. Meanwhile, with a 40% approval rating and the logical accompanying, 60% disapproval rating, demonstrated in action by daily protests, marches and rallies, the people have spoken; and have done so as loud as a Donald Trump, China-manufactured, ridiculously lengthy, red satin tie.

Not My President's Day Rally, New York City - 02/20/17
Now, while Mussolini’s bastard son has little to no governmental support, we must again be mindful that the esteemed and embarrassing body on Capitol Hill has a degree of fortitude and courage to make the Cowardly Lion seem like Conan the Conqueror, and it has become entirely evident that the survival of the greatest Democracy the world has ever experienced rests solely with the active engagement of a sizeable share of our 300 million.

The Battle Ahead – B.R.A.T. Aspirations

  • ·         To encourage bloggers to unite as a voice bonded in battle against the treacherous, un-American and fascistic Trump agenda.
  • ·         To spread valid and factual information, to be a truth teller when nothing but falsehoods will be emanating from this administration.
  • ·         To spread the message of the Anti-Trump Movement and aid in the expansion of the resistance, as rapidly as achievable, before Trump has success in his stated attempts to put limits on our First Amendment rights. The blogs that are here today may very likely be disappearing by government edict tomorrow.
  • ·         To embolden those who read our blogs to actively participate in the democratic process in any way that is practical, doable and desirable for them - be it in written form, in calls to Congress, in social media, in attending rallies - using their Constitutional and pro-America right to peacefully protest. Dissent is a great American tradition.

Not My President's Day Rally, New York City - 02/20/17
The White House is our house, not Trump’s. The American people determine who deserves to take temporary residence in it – not billionaires, and not Russia. Trump serves at our pleasure, and there’s been nothing the least bit pleasurable about his totalitarian insanity. It will be the voice of the people that will finally, hopefully, sooner than later, turn the tables on the tangerine reality star, as tens of millions of patriotic Americans, en-masse, will loudly, proudly and with a happy hostility, rudely proclaim, “You’re fired!”

Fellow bloggers, please download the logo, share it on your blogs and share the crucially important message of the resistance – let’s actually make America great again, again - you know, as it was in 2016.

If Donald J. Trump can destroy the country with his tweets,  we can save the country with our blogs.

“Gonna lay the devil down, gonna lay that devil down.
I got fury in my soul, fury's gonna take me to the glory goal
In my mind I can't study war no more.
Save the people, save the children, save the country now” – Laura Nyro

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions?  Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

A Simple Letter to the World – An Apology from an American to the Human Race

“I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter
And make believe it came from you
I'm gonna write words oh so sweet
They're gonna knock me off my feet
A lotta kisses on the bottom
I'll be glad I got 'em”

 Dear Rest of the World,

     We're really sorry! Most of us wanted nothing to do with this treacherous sociopath that Russia, Steve Bannon and his white nationalist movement, un-Constitutionally and unlawfully installed in the White House. Vladimir Putin and Steve Bannon are allied in paralleled plans and philosophies of world conquest and supremacy.  In Donald J. Trump, they found a buffoonish, ignorant, intolerant, sexist, hate-filled empty vessel, who, lacking any principles, ideologies or even thoughts of his own, but for his pitiful and pathetic non-stop need for power, attention and glory, could be cajoled and flattered into fulfilling their frightening, criminal and immoral misdeeds.  And, sadly, through the manipulation of a far too sizeable swath of the American public, they unearthed an ugly, racist, bitter, often unintelligent and woefully uninformed electorate, so worshipful of celebrity, they would willingly and happily swallow every Trump sin, lie and illegality in their belief that regular television appearances bestow superiority, and worthiness for ascension to the most powerful office on this, now very endangered, planet.  Each and every proudly unenlightened, wrathful, small-minded and prejudiced voter who checked a box, popped a chad or pulled a lever in favor of this traitorous and treasonous Executive Branch, now shares equal responsibility and blame for the destruction, chaos and lost lives that this illegitimate president has already afflicted upon America and the world in his very brief, but already much too long tenure.

     But global friends, and I truly extend the hand of friendship, despite the detestable, inhumane and acrimonious acts of my nation, with anticipation of that gesture being amicably returned - there is hope. It is just a relative few of us who are at all of boorish and bigoted like mind with Trump and his supporters.  You’ve seen the marches and protests, the almost continuous activity on our streets.  We have been challenged by fascism and totalitarianism, and are actively defending the solemn values of our republic. And, as a nation built by immigrants in search of tolerance and religious liberty, we don’t hate or fear you, no matter your spoken tongue or rituals of faith.  Nations and borders are arbitrary and illusory. Every human being, despite geographical separation or religious diversity is, first and foremost, a citizen of the world - each and every one of us, biologically identical. A different skin shade, cultural custom or spiritual sacrament does not inherently make one evil or untrustworthy, unless, of course, as we have recently and unfortunately discovered, that epidermal hue is powdery orange. That artificial spray dye once applied, clearly has a deleterious effect on judgement, compassion, intelligence, and overall brain function.

     We are fully aware that Donald J. Trump is a dangerously and extremely mentally disturbed rabid cur; and, again, thoroughly apologize for being the thoughtless and backward populace that precipitated his nightmarish rise to authority and command.  But, we love our country, are desperately fighting for it, and are honestly doing our best to rectify this odious and offensive situation as rapidly as possible. We don't want to die either.

     I’ve been fortunate to have traveled to many of your countries, enriched by each experience and encouraged by the shared humanity encountered. Regardless of the injurious intent and depraved determination of Putin, Bannon and Trump, there is far more to unite us than there is to divide us.  Given some time, as precious as it is, we shall undoubtedly triumph. Thanks for your saintly patience, and see you soon.

Your pal,

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions?  Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.

Sunday, January 29, 2017


“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts…”  - William “Billy” Shakespeare

Here at “… and several butcher’s aprons” while constantly expressing and promoting liberal and progressive social and political ideology, the intent is always to manifest these sentiments in ways that are, hopefully, more satirical and entertaining, and less proselytizing. Toward that aim, while the usual format is comic commentary, I’ve also attempted poetry, song parody and captioned photos. So, continuing in that 75 year tradition of creative flexibility - proudly presenting the premiere of the world’s most diminutive one act play - but first, some shameless self-promotion. Broadway producers, you know how to contact me.

And now, from the celebrated and acclaimed author of 212 prior “… and several butcher’s aprons” posts, and a number of incendiary but astute anti-Trump tweets; the reader of “Catch-22” and “The Catcher in the Rye” (all my favorite novels have a form of the word “catch” in the title); and the skimmer of “A Clockwork Orange” (it's confusing!) and several chapters of “The New Testament” (even more so!) comes the riveting new play that critics have hailed as “Brief!” “Neatly typed!” “Not particularly well-written and somewhat nonsensical!” and “Shorter than the title!” Winner of the 2017 “Completely Fabricated Award for Best New Drama,” - sit back, experience, engulf yourself in, weep and chortle to – “A Couple of Guys Sitting Around at a Bus Stop Talking about Election Day.”



So, who you voting for?

I don’t know. I don’t really know much about politics. Or history… or government… or the constipation.


(EARL nods in assent)



(awkward lengthy pause)

Who’s running?

Well, the Democrat is the most experienced and qualified person to ever run.

Sounds shady.

The Republican has no experience at all, is a bigot, a thief, has openly expressed incestual desires, has been served with about 3500 lawsuits, will take health insurance away from millions of Americans, wants to stop immigration, religious freedom and freedom of speech …

Go on…

… lies like a freakin’ Persian rug, and displays all the behaviors of a severe sociopath.

Hmm. Does either have a penis?

No. But Trump does self-identify as a man.

Make America Great Again!!


To bookend with the opening quote from the Bard, a treat from the 1999 Broadway revival of “Kiss Me Kate,” a production I had the pleasure of enjoying twice – “Brush Up Your Shakespeare.”

“Brush up your Shakespeare
Start quoting him now
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow
Just declaim a few lines from 'Othella'
And they think you're a heckuva fella
If your blond won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer” – Cole Porter

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions? Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Coming to Terms - #Resist

Jubilant Throngs Packed the Washington Mall this Inauguration Day

“The Party told you to reject all evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command...The past was erased, the erasure was forgotten, the lie became the truth." – George Orwell, 1984

As a self-anointed analyst and comedy commentator on the usually simple to satirize social and political arenas, I have been struggling and searching for the proper response to the dawning of the age of President Trump. It is a rich and complex issue, and a painfully sad, tragic turn of events that will very likely have grave consequences not only for “America first” but for the entire world. And, unlike most other catastrophic occurrences in our history, 9/11, Pearl Harbor, the conception of Sarah Palin, we’ve got no boogie man for this one – no one to invade, no one to bomb, no one to drone – this is all on us, the great, unread American public. And this time, in geopolitical terms, we’re the international bad guy, we’re Spectre, we’ve unleashed onto civilization an unstable, petty, vindictive, vengeful, childish, cowardly madman who, by the way, has the gym locker combination for the deadliest nuclear arsenal mankind has ever known. Umm, sorry about that, Earth. Not surprisingly, chuckles, alliterative similes and clever wordplay have been a little hard to come by, as of late. Then something on TV moved me, and I thought, risk ridicule and accusations of weakness with heightened levels of wimpiosity, and try something unique to this keyboard, a few simple sincere thoughts.  And so, we venture on.



On this week’s Saturday Night Live, cast members Cecily Strong and Sasheer Zamata sang the Lulu chestnut and movie theme, “To Sir with Love,” with almost painful sincerity, in front of a black and white photo of President Obama. Like, Kate McKinnon’s performance of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” as Hillary Clinton on the episode following the election, initial reaction was a bit of puzzlement, unexpectedly replaced by melancholy emotion.  And then (sordid, unmanly confession) I teared up, and continued to lightly moisten my cheeks throughout the remainder of the song. A bit off-kilter, I wondered why wonderful Cecily’s extremely heartfelt, but sometime slightly strained vocal stylings had affected me so. But, it wasn’t really the earnest, and exceedingly partisan, performance that precipitated the waterworks; it was the sudden and painful, and long-delayed consciousness of reality that was triggered by the tune.  That simple and genuine farewell to a good and decent man was, for me, the very moment that fear became fact and, in reaction, my body sprung a leak. To borrow from the Band, these were “tears of rage, tears of grief” - anger, anxiety, disbelief, frustration, fright and fury finally free, after 2 months of sanity saving repression.

Since the wee small hours of November 9th, like millions and millions of other patriotic and empathetic Americans, I have tussled with the truth, completely incapable of accepting the incomprehensible as actuality.  I have not, and will not ever, acknowledge Trump as the leader of my great country, and, until the travesty transpired, maintained high hopes that he would never step upon the inauguration platform. Surely, long before this day of transition, Trump’s myriad crimes and misdemeanors would call him home to his rightful place of residence, a federal penitentiary. But, alas, justice is frequently far too forgiving for the well to do, and rewards are proffered in place of penalty.  

New York City - January 19, 2017


We weep, we wail, we scream, we curse, we have one too many drinks, we turn to each other for aid and succor, but mostly we resist. We resist the bigotry, misogyny and anti-American hatred that Donald Trump and his Fourth Reich followers confess, profess and proliferate. We march, we rally, we protest, we demonstrate.  As a participant in both the nationwide Women’s March (2.9 million strong, but merely, a paltry 2,899,999 minus my attendance) and the pre-inaugural rally in New York’s Columbus Circle, I experienced the excitement, exhilaration, sense of community, pride in America and even, unanticipated optimism, that democracy in action and activism brings. And we must continue, relentlessly, to take to the streets, for it’s nothing less than the very continuation of our republic that is at stake.

New York City - January 21, 2017

Thank you Cecily, thank you Sasheer, thank you Lorne, and why not – thank you Chevy.

Cecily and Sasheer -

Lulu –

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions? Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.

Monday, January 16, 2017

"I am Not a Number. I am a Free Man."

Reflections on an Unanticipated Retirement

"Be Seeing You"

“Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop” - Proverbs 16:27

“Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul to waste” – Jagger/Richards

Well, according to popular and accepted lore, I fear I now find myself in league with Lucifer as, thanks to my former employers recent Christmas-time restructuring resulting in the compensated separation of certain personnel from their occupations, (a long-imagined, fantasy fulfillment for yours truly) I am now as idle as a Donald Trump hair follicle (as idle as a Donald Trump brain cell, as idle as Donald Trump’s conscience, common sense or empathy.)

To be as clear as millions of unconsumed cases of Crystal Pepsi, as was pointed out by my HR Rep numerous times with impressive vim and vigor, I was not laid-off.  Rather, thanks to my stealthily advancing years, I was offered a voluntary “early-retirement,” and, to be fair, with both a generous buy-out and subsidized insurance coverage.  And so, sans bitterness or bile, and brimming with constructive recollections, I leave behind decades in television promotion to journey forth (or to loaf supine on the settee) in search of an altered identity and lifestyle. For over 30 years I was a television promo producer, what am I now?

Random Early Retirement Observation #1 – A number of classic rock songs no longer hold any relevance to me – Takin’ Care of Business,  Working for the Weekend,  Five O’clock World and, of course, She Works Hard for the Money.

Questions immediately arise, both major and minor – What if the ACA is repealed and the exchanges are gone when my current coverage expires?  How will the presence of a raving lunatic in Washington affect the financial markets, and our 401Ks? What time do I go to sleep?  What time do I rise? What do I do once I’m awake? How soon will my sanity sally in light of this increased isolation and skulking hermitage? Should I choke on one of my larger supplement tablets as, judging by past experiences, appears all but inevitable, will my cat be more mournful or peckish?

I have anticipated, dreamt of and prayed to my pagan deities, since almost first employed, for an atypically short run as a corporate cog; and once having achieved that, expected almost an incessant sense of euphoria – now, and seemingly forever, a free man whose time and life is completely his own. No strings and no connections, few duties or obligations - Number 6 having successfully escaped from the Village. “I am not a number. I am a free man.” But, to be working on a Friday and then emancipated  the following Monday after almost 40 years of organized routine,  how does one suddenly adjust to a completely unstructured life, now faced with 24 hours and 7 days potentially identical but for television schedule?  While, “everybody's working for the weekend,” I have no weekend. Even in this month and change since the shredding of my company identification, the identity of the day of the week is mostly an unsure estimation for me.

The Greatest City in the World In Which to Retire
An initial, and exceedingly surprising, reaction in this new Boca Raton, sandals and socks, early bird special, Matlock reality, has been my inability to simply relax and enjoy the new freedom and independence.  Still perceiving some need to be ever industrious, a desire rarely experienced before, I tally daily and weekly “things to do” lists, hustling about my Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood and feeling a failure should any of the scribbled goals remain unfulfilled.  And perhaps, the most jarring adjustment of them all is having much less need and opportunity to don the dressier attire. Once a man famed around the office for his sartorial sense, with an extensive and expensive wardrobe culled from the finest clothiers and haberdashers on both sides of the Atlantic (I hold a particular fondness for British tailoring) now but a fashion flop in long-forgotten, but recently excavated, t-shirts, sweaters and Old Navy pants. Yes, that’s right, Old Navy, and without commercial remuneration for sporting their economical, egalitarian mommy jeans!

Random Early Retirement Observation #2 – When the man on the 2:17am radio PSA asks, “Is marijuana use affecting your job or relationship?” I don’t suppose the proper healthy response is, “What job? What relationship?”

The intent is not to convey complaint, merely confusion.  I have neither regret nor nostalgic yearning to toil again at my desk. I am, by nature, and thus it has always been, a lazy, languid and indolent sort, ever striving to attain the most from the least amount of effort, and I remain more than happy to no longer be an active participant in the “Five O’clock World.”

Despite the uncertainty articulated, like Dusty Springfield before me, I’m  wishin’ and hopin’ and plannin’ and dreamin’ with actual aspirations in mind - which, besides increased international travel, are all creative, for that is where true satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness can often be found. A partial, still in progress list - continue and expand the reach of this blog, finish the jukebox musical I started penning many a moon ago, pull the guitar out of the back of the closet, shake off the playing rust, and write songs. Do I have the discipline to pursue such things when a comfy couch, cable, Roku and a home audio system exist, and more importantly, do I have the talent? The latter, I maintain grave misgivings and doubt about, but I certainly have the time to try. So, at 57 going on 58, with little income ahead, I attempt a change in life, fortune and fame. And, just the thought leads to a yearning for the comfort and security of the Lazy Boy, the various remotes and an open bottle of sauvignon blanc. And day turns into night and Judge Mathis turns into another Judge Mathis.

“Up ev'ry morning just to keep a job
I gotta fight my way through the hustling mob,
Sounds of the city pounding in my brain
While another day goes down the drain.
But it's a five o'clock world when the whistle blows,
No one owns a piece of my time.
And there's a five o'clock me inside my clothes,
Thinking that the world looks fine

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions? Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Putin on The Ritz 2: The Season for Treason

Republican’s Unabashed, Unrequited Love for a Tyrannical Enemy of Freedom

“I love him, I love him, I love him,
And where he goes,
I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow.
He'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love 
From now until forever, forever, forever” 

 “(Putin) is a strong leader… He’s making mincemeat out of our President” – Donald Trump

Donald Trump is pure vulgar, traitorous scum – and that’s about the best that can be said of him. For this go round, we will forgo commentary on his publicly professed incestuous desires, the witnessed and testified to child rapes, the admitted serial sexual assaults and the hundreds of illegal business practices /lawsuits, and instead focus on his passionate and unfulfilled crush on Russian President, Vladimir Putin. Now, while Putin does not directly return the amorous ardor that he receives from the President Erect, he does string him along and tease him enough with shirtless, lustful visions of the possibilities ahead that Putin has complete control of Donald’s minute and pliable intellect, and come January 20th, will be the practical and acting leader of the United States of America.

But, sadly and unfortunately, the Fuhrer of 5th Avenue is far from being alone in his articulated admiration, appreciation and veneration for the tyrannical, murdering Muscovite. The rewritten and updated dissertation to follow was originally posted almost 3 years ago, long before some 62 million racists and misogynists cast their ballots for Russian rule and to make America white again. Prominent and powerful Republicans had already fallen head over heels with the cruel autocrat, and many declared their deep disappointment in the fact that Obama, and not Putin, was our country’s Commander in Chief.  With the recent revelations of definitive Russian involvement in our now illegitimate election, this golden oldie remains steadfastly relevant, so I share it with you once again.

Revised from March, 2014 -
Ah, our beloved Republicans – so often the staunchest of patriots by self-declaration, while behaving virulently unpatriotic in practice. The current and relevant case in point - the titillating tingle, the erotic exhilaration, the feverish fervor, the enchanted evening experienced whenever seeing shirtless, boy-toy Vladimir Putin across a crowded room.  But besides the given, the understood and the obvious that they favor any and every animal, vegetable or mineral to B.H. Obama, what’s to explain this unusual and unexpected, particular affinity between the Communist former KGB agent and America’s Far Right?   Perhaps it’s a new sort of love/hate relationship. Conservatives love Putin because they hate the same things - homosexuals, equality, self-expression, self-determination, truth, justice and the American way. It’s a veritable fraternity of abhorrence for these brethren in oppression.

Sure, Righties yak vociferously about freedom and liberty, but their actual actions yell louder than a Sam Kinison/Bobcat Goldthwait comedy throw-down as, red state by even redder state, they attempt to suppress voter rights, quash marriage equality and battle against any societal parity for women, be it in the home, the workplace or the doctor’s office.

Putin has become our Radical Right’s archetypical leader because he can put into practice the policies of intolerance and exclusion that they can only dream of, fantasize about and, no doubt in some cases, even pleasure themselves to. He treads the same political and ideology path as Tea-publicans only with the bonafide power to turn their reactionary hopes, wishes and reveries into repulsive reality. Putin’s social conservatism, religious zealotry in support of a state religion, militarism, homophobia;  his belief in his right to invade sovereign nations, to harm and imprison those with whom he disagrees, to feign democracy while rigging elections for oligarchical outcome, make him a CPAC dreamboat.

 “Words of Love, Soft and Tender Won’t Win a Girl’s Heart Anymore”- Their Passion for Putin

"I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy... I was able to get a sense of his soul." - George W. Bush

“Putin is right on these issues... he has taken a stand to protect his nation’s children from the damaging effects of any gay and lesbian agenda... America’s own morality has fallen so far that on this issue — Russia’s standard is higher than our own." - Franklin Graham

“Putin decides what he wants to do and does it in half a day. He makes a decision and executes it quickly and everybody reacts. That’s what you call a real leader.” – Rudolph Giuliani

“(He’s) the defender of the Christian civilization… the lion of Christianity, the defender of Christian values, the president that’s calling his nation back to embracing its identity as a nation founded on Christian values” - Bryan Fischer, American Family Association

"Vladimir Putin has looked like a statesman" - Pat Buchanan
"He's a statesman, he's a partner in peace and he's in a position where he can lecture the United States of America."- Charles Krauthammer, Syndicated Columnist
"If this were a tennis match it would be the umpire shouting advantage Putin."-  Sen. Rand Paul
"Look at Putin -- what he's doing with Russia -- I mean, you know, what's going on over there. I mean this guy has done -- whether you like him or don't like him -- he's doing a great job in rebuilding the image of Russia and also rebuilding Russia period.” – Donald Trump

"I think he's done really a great job of outsmarting our country.” – Donald Trump

"I think I'd get along very well with Vladimir Putin. I just think so.” – Donald Trump

"He's running his country and at least he's a leader, unlike what we have in this country.  I think our country does plenty of killing also." – Donald Trump

"I don't think he has any respect for Clinton. I think he respects me. I think it would be great to get along with him.” – Donald Trump

I always knew he was very smart!” – Donald Trump

 How Do They Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways - Putin’s Resume
"Millions around the world increasingly see America not as a model of democracy but as relying solely on brute force, cobbling coalitions together under the slogan, 'You're either with us or against us.'" - Vladimir Putin
Before the GOP files the legal documentation for the official nomenclature change to Good Old Putin, some lowlights from the matinee idol who sets Trumpsters hearts aflutter and launches libidos into overdrive -

Anyone with a remote control is aware of Russia’s annexation of Crimea and its installation of soldiers on the Ukraine border (Obama’s fault, of course) but a U.S. State Department study reveals the wide-ranging extent of Putin’s human right’s violations. He has suppressed dissent, persecuted LGBT citizens, ignored the rule of law and allowed killing and torture by police -

“… allegations of torture and excessive force by law enforcement officials, life-threatening prison conditions, interference in the judiciary and the right to a fair trial, restrictions on freedom of speech and press, restrictions on free assembly and association, restrictions on religious freedom of some religious minorities, electoral irregularities, widespread corruption, societal and official intimidation of civil society and labor activists, violence against women and limits on the rights of women in certain regions, trafficking in persons, and limitations on workers’ rights… Reports from human rights groups and former police officers indicated that police most often used electric shocks, suffocation, and stretching or applying pressure to joints and ligaments, as those methods are less prone to leave visible marks.”

Then, of course, a particular favorite of America’s holier than thou population is Putin’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill, which makes it unlawful to inform children of the existence of homosexuality or to equate homosexuality with heterosexuality in any way. Violators face fines, jail time, and immediate deportation (the latter being much more of a reward than a punishment.)  Resulting violence against members of the LGBT community has skyrocketed as police not only provide no protection but actively participate in the brutality (actions many U.S. Bible-thumpers label, “defending our religious liberties.”)

Treason: a violation of allegiance to one’s state

From the day of Barack Obama’s inauguration, continuing through Russia’s installation of Donald Trump as their puppet ruler, Republicans have demonstrated, time and again, their disloyalty to America and to its foundation and principles. And their voracious, vocal and vehement exaltation for Russian President Vladimir Putin is merely a continuation and most contemporary communication of that outlook. 

Ironically and irrationally, while GOP supporters spent 8 years painting our president a Communist, their pulses race wildly for a genuine, card-carrying member of the Stalinist flock, preferring a ruthless, dictatorial, Bolshevik foreign leader to an American, democratically-elected President whose ascension and whose biography is the living embodiment of the American Dream. The Right Wing’s problem with pigmentation perception is tragically sad, and pragmatically perilous for, when all is said and done, no matter the harrowing consequences, in the cocktail lounge of global politics a Conservative will always chose a White Russian over a Black and Tan.

We conclude as Little Peggy March performs the GOP anthem, “I Will Follow Him.”

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions? Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.