Nightmare on East Capitol Street!

“Too many distractions.
False retractions.”

I miss mouthing off. To the detriment of the rest of the English speaking world, I guess it’s just in my nature to share my thoughts and opinions. Whether it’s desired or reviled, I’m apparently always going to impart my self-perceived wisdom on humankind. I speak to animals, as well, but I’ve come to believe that their rapt attention is based much more on my supply of Beggin’ Strips than on my thoughtful musings on Alaskan ex-governors. The ego, being a well-developed and powerful force, has convinced me to return to the possibly pointless pursuits of the blogosphere. So Facebookers, I set you free once more. Your days of unintentionally reading reams of radical rants are over.

Superman was disposed of, at one point (how’s that for a segue?) and yet, still he lives to perplex myopic sky-watchers (to hopefully finally put this to rest - Birds are small feathered creatures who are likely to defecate on your shoulder. Planes are extremely large, metal crafts and have a distinct and loud engine sound. Superman is a person in blue tights and a red cape. Are they really so hard to distinguish between?) If a rebirth is acceptable for Superman, an illegal alien who, by law, is prohibited from battling baddies in the enlightened state of Arizona, a revival would seem in order for Nycityman too. And while my, heretofore, secret super power is much less impressive (injected with a serum called Haberdasherum, I can correctly ascertain one’s clothing size with a mere swift glance) “… and several butcher’s aprons” returns to bewitch, bother, bewilder and bore.

I’ve been told that there was some form of government take-over while I was gone at the cryogenics facility. Candidates who have openly campaigned on eliminating or privatizing Social Security, the VA and Medicare; eradicating the Department of Education, health care and unemployment insurance; forcing rape victims to carry their babies; proposing a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage; giving tax cuts to the top 2% wealthiest in the land and ending any regulations on Wall Street, banks and other financial institutions have, reportedly, been voted into positions of power. Taking a rational step back, clearly this cannot be true. No one would ever actually vote for such ludicrous, un-American and harmful ideas. Then it came to me. I understand that Jackass 3D opened at this very same time. One can only assume that such an incomprehensible political outcome was, in actuality, just a promotional stunt perpetrated by Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and the other mono-syllabic, Cro-Magnons from MTV. I look forward to the genuine elections, whenever they might occur.


Which of these 3 is the new speaker of the House of Representatives?






Being the astute observer of human behavior and trends that I am, and being a student of all things political, in my last blog I predicted - nay, not predicted, but guaranteed - that the Democrats would retain, not only the Senate but also, the House of Representatives. In my civics class defense, and this will surely impress, I wrote comically negative profiles on three of the Republican/Teabagger candidates - “Crazy” Carl Paladino, Christine “Samantha Stevens” O’Donnell and Sharon “nothing clever here, just plain bat-s**t” Angle, and none of them enjoyed a successful conclusion to their political campaigns. Had I but a clue of the prolific power that I was wielding I would have skewered and scorched every right-winger from Rand “Papa’s Boy” Paul to Michele (everyone do this one with me) Bachmann “Turner Overdrive.“ On to 2012!

“I’m not a witch. I’m you.” First off, I resent that remark and am highly insulted by it. Secondly, maybe I’m alone on this, but I don’t want our leaders to be just like me. I don’t care whether they’d be jolly to share a Brooklyn Lager with. I want someone better than me. I want someone smarter than me. I want someone more experienced than me. When did knowledge and intelligence become a negative thing in our culture? If I’ve been unclear, I don’t want someone just like me in charge of our nuclear arsenal. I want someone a hell of a lot more qualified. What are you all thinking? Get up right now and go look in the mirror. Now, take a long, hard, critical look. Is that the person you want to run this country? I seriously think not.

Finally, although this is not a “Dose of Darin” post, I did want to return and conclude on a note from Bobby. From his folk period, and feeling somewhat appropriate for this just concluded, frenzied, cable news channel driven, election period - Bobby Darin and “Too Many Distractions.