Sunday, November 28, 2010

Devil in Disguise - Pondering Palin

“I thought that I was in heaven
But I was sure surprised
Heaven help me, I didn't see
The devil in your eyes”

Simple, seductive, satanic Sarah - this blog has been dancing around her like I’m Fred Astaire and she’s a coat rack. Since its very inception I’ve poked, prodded, preached, proselytized and protested but always within the confines of other subjects. There’s been the occasional jab, a frequent needle, but never an entire posting solely dedicated to the wonder that is Sarah Palin. The reason - the school of thought (school: skuul noun - 1. an institution from which Palin gained very little and one that produces educated individuals, a quality she considers to be negative and highly elitist) that should we all just ignore her, she would eventually vanish upon her, ignorance is blissfully, way. Alas, between her job at Fox News, her reality show, her frequent appearances on “Dancing with the Stars” and her succeeding Jigsaw in the next installment of the “Saw” series, it has become abundantly clear that, like crohn’s disease, that other stomach turner, she will not go away simply by being ignored. The role, then, of any thinking and reasoning human being, or even of any species that might possess an opposable thumb, is to regularly remind the voting public who, after all, have already gifted us with George W. Bush twice (okay, once) of the wasteland behind the wink, the superficiality behind the smile and the bull behind the “you betcha’” that is “Weekly Standard” page 6 girl, Sarah Palin. In order to properly protect ourselves, our peoples and the future of the greatest democracy the world has ever known we must remain alert of what the un-intelligentsia has in mind (using the word “mind” loosely, of course) for our nation.

As an xy chromosome individual, and as a vessel for testosterone, I do comprehend the appeal that Palin carries for certain hormonally-heavy members of our population, and I’m fully aware that many men would desire her mukluks under their beds anytime. But, simultaneously, as a beneficiary of the evolutionary process, blessed with a frequently employed and fully functioning cerebral cortex, I can rise above my native Neanderthal nature and surmise that running, and not ruining, our republic requires distinctly different qualities than just good looks, skintight clothes and “f - me” pumps.

"Obviously we gotta’ stand with our North Korean allies."

North Korea - South Korea. North America - South America. North Carolina - South Carolina. Or even the novel, “North and South,” by John Jakes. When you’re proudly ignorant, indifferent and often incoherent, facts, actualities and realities can be difficult to grasp and retain. On last week’s “Meet the Press,” moderator, David Gregory, began a question for Hillary Clinton with the suggestion that Sarah Palin has now approached Clinton’s level of accomplishment. Secretary Clinton, demonstrating remarkable poise and restraint, did not resort to her “second amendment remedies” in response but rather answered as if a query of some astuteness had been posed. (Where have you gone, Tim Russert? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.) So what exactly are these accomplishments to which Gregory refers? Sarah Palin won the title of Miss Wasilla of 1984 and was the runner-up in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. She earned a bachelor's degree in journalism from the University of Idaho in 1987 and, said degree in hand, became a working member of the “lame-stream” media, as a TV sports reporter in Anchorage. Entering politics in 1992, she won a seat on the Wasilla City Council. (Population 5469, more people live on my block.) Four years later, she was elected mayor of that same tiny hamlet. In January 2007, Palin began her position as Governor of Alaska (population 698,475, that about covers my neighborhood, Hell’s Kitchen) a post she resigned from a mere two years later to prove to the world that she was dedicated to public service and not a “quitter.”

I believe, perhaps optimistically so, that Palin will not run for President in 2012. While clearly not the sharpest icicle in the igloo (don’t think about that too much as it actually makes very little sense) she may just be smart enough to realize that she’s not smart enough to be the leader of the free world. With her beauty pageant training and her television background, what she is knowledgeable in, is show business. She knows how to play a crowd, she knows marketing and she knows how to promote her brand. A major worldwide failure in the political arena could hurt her entertainment future and damage her vast money-making potential. While seeing her constant, daily presence in every possible media outlet from television to newspapers to Facebook to podcasts - until finally. Krueger-like, she invades our very dreams - may certainly seem torturous, imagine the torture she could inflict both literally (she was pro-Bush water-boarding) and figuratively, should she ascend to the highest office in the land. Among other things, Miss Wasilla supports a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. She opposes all abortion even in cases of rape and incest. Ecologically, Sarah believes that climate change is a myth, and despite the recent disastrous Gulf oil spill she wishes to continue deep water drilling and wants to expand drilling even into protected areas. She believes not in evolution but creationism and so envisions a Flintstones-like past of a 4000 year old earth where humans and dinosaurs co-existed. We need her to stay on Fox.

And now, “Deep Thoughts by Sarah Palin” -

"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.''

''If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?''

“The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil." - defending one of her many fictional claims

“Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate."

“They're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." - getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does

"I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree."

“Dr. Laura: don't retreat...reload!” - coming to the defense of radio host Laura Schlessinger who decided to retire after using the N-word on the air 11 times in 5 minutes

"Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant - they're quite clear - that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments."

"Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It's a disturbing trend." – defending yet another falsehood that "In God We Trust" had been moved to the edge of coins by the Obama administration

"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." - referring to a department that does not exist

“How are we going to kick in the plan that will get this economy back on the right track and really shore up the strategies that we need over in Iraq and Iran to win these wars?"

"I like being here because it seems like here and in our last rally too - other parts around this great Northwest - here in New Hampshire you just get it."

"We grow good people in our small towns, with honesty and sincerity and dignity." - quoting fascist right-wing columnist Westbrook Pegler, an avowed racist and anti-Semite who once expressed his hope that Robert F. Kennedy would be assassinated

"I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that."

"What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?" - encouraging Wasilla librarian Mary Ellen Emmons to ban books.

“It’s you and me forever
Sarah smile
Won’t you smile awhile with me, oh Sarah?
If you feel like leavin’
You know you can go” - Hall and Oates


  1. Even this card-carrying Republican has to agree with you on this one. Listening to her speak is like fingernails on a chalkboard. But what I find more fascinating about her is how she's the thorn in every liberal's side. They hate her but can't stop talking about her - like an obsession. It says she sparks alot of interest and that's what I think she's all about - no more. If she does run in 2012, I bet it would be on a Tea party ticket, not the straight-up Republican ballot. Herewith ends my conservative two cents! :-)

  2. And a perfectly reasonable 2 cents at that! See, I'm not really so horrible about conservative thinking, it's just that neo-con and tea party dogma is not true conservatism. Goldwater and Buckley would both be aghast at developments today. And you're absolutely correct that we lefties are obsessed with Palin. For my part, I'm setting out to entertain and she's just a rich well of material, a comedy gift that keeps on giving.
    Thanks for weighing in.