Half a Mike Pence: Legislating Hatred for the Prince of Peace (Redux)

The Case Against Religion: Argument Number 2,987,425

“Indiana wants me,

Lord, I can’t go back there.” – R. Dean Taylor

Hot off the virtual presses, and straight to your favorite blog (well, my favorite blog, anyway) - that tangerine-tanned titan, that Hair Club for Men President (who's also a client), that KKK cover boy, Donald Trump has revealed his selection for Vice Presidential running mate - and the earth yawned. In choosing, about to be defeated, Indiana Governor Mike Pence, the Donald has, once again, demonstrated the kind of dubious discernment that has led to a life littered with thousands of lawsuits, hundreds of poorly-placed hair plugs, dozens of extramarital affairs, four bankruptcies,  three marriages, two rape accusations and, of course, (please say it with me) a partridge in a pear tree.

In reality, what we now have representing the party of Lincoln (not Abe, but the Lincoln Motor Inn on the Jersey side of New York's Lincoln Tunnel, offering hourly rates for over five decades) is a two for the price of one GOP ticket, a single vote buys you two avowed bigots - one practices discrimination as a loathsome hobby, while the other has, oh so unconstitutionally, made it law in his state.

"So, how old are your daughters, again?"

So, while not to conceitedly crow, or too proudly proclaim a predilection toward prescience - concerning Pence, we've been there, done that, and now re-present to you, updated and revised from well over a year ago "Half a Mike Pence:  Legislating Hatred for the Prince of Peace." Enjoy, share, and tell your friends!

The face of a man already in deep regret

Indiana,  home of Forrest Tucker and Leon Ames (I have odd tastes) previously best known for its production of gap-toothed, late-night talk show hosts, its yearly festival of race car crashes and as the largest supplier of Caucasian basketball players to the NCAA, finds itself suddenly thrust into the national political headlines.

For as Conservative Christians continue their crusade to take this country ever backwards in time and tolerance, Indiana Governor Mike Pence made their destructive dreams come true by enacting an unconstitutional law allowing legal bigotry against the LGBT community. Thanks to Mike’s minute and malicious mind, businesses in the Hoosier State can now deny service to gays, lesbians, transgenders and members of the touring company of “Kinky Boots.” He, like so many self-proclaimed but ill-intended Christians, continues to demonstrate his complete lack of knowledge of Jesus’s teachings, philosophy, and charitable and beneficial beliefs. Further, punitive Pence proved he is also painfully deficient in his acquaintance with our country’s history, laws and Constitution.

Clearly missing from Governor Pence’s faulty civics education is this extremely well-known and popular gem from our Constitution - "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."

Also unknown to this ignorant executive is this greatest hit from the Declaration of Independence – “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

But, as so many on the Right feel the Bible trumps any mere government documents, what of the figure for whom myriad GOP pols claim to speak? What are Jesus's thoughts on the subject? From John 13:34 - “A new commandment I give unto you. That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”

So, by all obvious and outward appearances, no matter how you approach fairness and equality, be it through the words of our Founding Fathers or the Word of the Biblical Father, Conservatives are wrong, wrong and, for good measure, wrong again.

Numbers Don’t Lie (But Political and Religious Leaders Do)

Not to cause great insult, injury or offense to any sincere believers who may have mistakenly stumbled upon this bit of blasphemy while trolling for a Kirk Cameron direct-to-video release, but to my less than humble, and overly-opinionated sensibilities, all of your creeds are incorrect. There are approximately 4200 religions in the world, worshipping around 2870 deities, each whose followers sincerely know that theirs is the one true faith and the one true god; resulting in distrust, animosity and thousands of years of warfare against those who believe otherwise. But how logical or plausible is it that 4199 religions are fugazis while one is genuine? Maybe, it’s at long last time that someone admits that their faith is flawed; and as charity, and perhaps, truth telling begin at home, allow me the distinct pleasure to begin. 

When I believed in the Judeo-Christian god, and I celebrated Christmas, not as a festival of cheerful ditties, multi-colored strings of lights and entertaining animated television fare, but as the birth of a lord and savior, I did so in accordance with my childhood indoctrination. However, just a few moments of research will reveal that, as Fred Flintstone is to Ralph Kramden, Jeb is to W, and Cheney is to Beelzebub, Jesus seems but imitation of earlier invented gods, primary among them, Egyptian deity Horus. The virgin birth, the three Wise Men, the twelve disciples, the crucifixion and resurrection, all of these biographical details, and more, were a part of the Horus mythology concocted sometime around the 31^st century B.C.

The Big pre-Webber/Rice Savior

Denying others their freedoms and rights is not anyone's freedom of religion, it's simply bigotry and hatred wrapped in phony sanctimony. It's also vile and unconstitutional. Might I suggest that if what anyone derives from a book is to hate and hurt others, whether it's the Bible or a dime novel, one reject that book immediately? Unfortunately, until we reach a more progressive period when humanity supplants divinity and fact supplants faith, classes will always clash and the world will forever war.

Returning to our original theme of intolerance in Indiana, R. Dean Taylor performs his one hit wonder, “Indiana Wants Me.”

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions?  Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.