“Originality is the
art of concealing your sources” – Benjamin Franklin
“It is better to
fail in originality than to succeed in imitation” – Herman Melville
“We can’t rewind, we’ve
gone too far
Pictures came and
broke your heart” – The Buggles
In my self-appointed, self-anointed, self-aggrandizing and
unpaid, therefore, self-sacrificing role of satirical commentator on all things
irksome and vexing, the topic at hand is one of particular personal interest
and knowledge, as nycityman’s entire adult life (and a lengthy one it is) has
been spent in the employ of the television field, and includes many a season
toiling shoulder to shoulder, bolder to bolder, cathode ray tube to cathode ray
tube with a number of personnel and principals involved in programming and
promotion at the National Broadcasting Company -once proud home to Hill Street
Blues, Huntley and Brinkley, St. Elsewhere, Seinfeld, Cheers, Rowan and Martin’s
Laugh-In, Bonanza, L.A. Law and now, in 2013, home of… umm… give me a minute…
there must be something, oh yes, the Voice and America’s Got Talent… and now, in
2013 - proud recycler of Major Bowes/Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour and American idol.
To give a succinct, concise, yet powerful
perspective, the network that once brought you Johnny Carson now brings you Jimmy
Fallon, how far the mighty have fallen.
In part one (link below) ABC and outlandish reality shows were
lampooned, this go-round we visit the programming of the Peacock Network where
originality and ingenuity are but polysyllabic words that TV Executives look
up in their Funk and Wagnall’s.
Will there ever be a CBS edition with scathing scrutiny of
the Cialis Brioschi Senokot Network, average viewer age – deceased? Not very
likely, but will this lack of callous but constructive criticism of CBS have
any connection to the fact that nycityman’s
401K, pension, health insurance, regular gainful employment and weekly
salary is inextricably and inescapably tied into the continuing and long-term
success of the Tiffany Network? Please, you insult me. Now, bring on the 54th
seasons of Survivor: Staten Island and 3 ½ Men with 1 Man Left, those classics
just never get old.
NBC - Proud as a
Peanut (note: it is well known amongst
we experts in the science of pomology that the peanut is, in fact, the least
prideful of all legumes, owing to its ubiquitousness and inexpense.)
When examining the new programming model and intent under
Robert Greenblatt, Grand Poobah of Coming Up with New Hit Shows (I may be just a
tad off from his official corporate title) a singular and clear direction has
been established - rip-off, recycle, reboot – and don’t let proven failure veer
you from that unoriginal and uninspiring course and focus. Having already sent
sponsors scurrying for cover, and NBC itself into a 5th place ratings
free-fall directly behind former UHF, Spanish-language channel Univision with failed
remakes of Knight Rider, Bionic Woman, The Munsters and just this September, Ironside, Greenblatt continues riding the carriage to
collapse, the DC-10 to disappointment and the limo to lost viewers by
continuing this counter fitting concept of re-presenting old
chestnuts as fresh fodder by recasting with African-American performers. If
you didn’t love the new Ironside (all 3 underwhelming episodes) retooled for
Blair Underwood, you’ll feel just as luke warm about the new version of Murder
She Wrote, now starring Octavia Spencer– exactly what the kids
have been clamoring for.
But, of course, as with most household pests, the ones
you see are usually just a small sample
of what’s truly hiding and lurking behind the sheet rock. So, with no further ado (or really, any ado at
all) stolen from the hard drive of a high-ranking NBC executive in Burbank,
California, a smattering of synopses of some upcoming new shows that
will all seem somewhat vaguely familiar.
 |
| The Black Dean Martin Show |
The Black Dean
Martin Show - We don’t know who he is. We don’t know if he has any
particular talents, but he’s an African-American, his name happens to actually be
Dean Martin and he owns a tuxedo. And that’s good enough - featuring the
Ding-a-Ling Sistahs and the ghost of Nipsey Russell.
You loved Dexter, so we brought you Hannibal. You loved
Dexter, so we also brought you The Blacklist. You loved Dexter, so we’re riding
this train until every last lump of coal is extinguished and we’ve driven over
a hog-tied damsel in distress, as we now bring you TV’s most loveable psychotic
killer - Wayne (Newman) Knight as David
Berkowitz in Son of Sam, That Son of a
Gun. (We apologize in advance.)
From Nashville, the Country Music Capital of the World,
and the Ryman Auditorium, home to the legendary Grand Ole Opry, NBC proudly
presents – The Black Country Music
Awards, with Hootie, Charlie Pride and….
 |
| The Black Country Music Awards |
Forget the old-hat-trick, boring days of the traditional NHL
and put that yawn on ice. NBC is
bringing new thrills to the hockey rink, with the NHUL, the National Hockey Urban League. Just when you thought
sports couldn’t possibly get more exciting than the WNBA!
 |
| The NHUL |
It’s a Black
Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas – This one truly is a Silent Night.
 |
| It's a Black Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas |
CSI/NCIS M.O.U.S.E.
– Our innovative new procedural drama takes place in the dirty, dark, grimy and
surprisingly dangerous back alleys, thoroughfares and Main Streets USA of
Disney Land, Anaheim, California. It’s a Small, Small World, M*****r F****r!!
 |
| CSI/NCIS M.O.U.S.E. |
Rowland and Martin’s
Laugh-In – We’ve taken highlights from reruns of In Living Color and
repackaged them with new introductions by Kelly Rowland and Martin Lawrence,
and fingers are crossed that America will be fooled. After all, 60 million of
you voted for Mitt Romney.
From Robert Greenblatt, award-winning producer of the hit
HBO series, Six Feet Under comes Five
Feet Under – this time, the hands are sticking out.
What happens when a bunch of backwoods, redneck, tea-partyin’
singers, comics, spoon-playin’, fiddle-playin’ Southerners head up north of 125th
Street and team up with talent from Def Comedy Jam, Def Poety Jam and Def Jam Records
at the historic Apollo Theatre - it’s Harlem
Hee Haw! And it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And finally, as one last shot before being sold off to
Bob’s Discount Furniture, the National Broadcasting Company gifts to you, our loyal viewers, all seven of you,
a ground-breaking, all -African-American adaptation of the classic 70’s sitcom,
Good Times. (We got confused.)
We close by bookending with the Buggles and Video Killed
the Radio Star.
Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions,
cash contributions? Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment