Herman Cain - Drivin' that Train, High on Koch-Cain

Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Your 2012 Republican Candidates

“If they ask me who’s the President of Ubeki, beki, beki beki stan stan, I’m gonna’ say you know, I don’t know.”

His poll numbers are rising faster than Marcus Bachmann’s blood pressure at a K-Pop concert, but will this love affair last? Is this Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, or less-fortunately, Angelina and Billy Bob Thornton (sans blood vial necklaces)? Undeniably, Herman Cain is the Republican/Tea Party’s latest “flavor of the month,“ and while it is refreshingly unusual, unanticipated and unexpected that the GOP’s flavor would be chocolate, is this a genuine expansion of the Republican base and reach, or is this merely the political version of saying, “See, I’m not prejudiced, I have a black friend; and that Hank Aaron was a Hell of a ballplayer?” History, ideology and behavior suggest the latter. This is the Tea Party, keep in mind, the people who arrive at demonstrations carrying signs of Obama as an African witchdoctor, Obama in white face and of Obama and wife, Michelle, dressed as a pimp and prostitute. Are we to believe that these same citizens are suddenly enthusiastic for a Presidential election with two African-Americans running against each other? Will we next discover that they also voted for Carson Kressly and Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars? No, I fear it’s more likely that the average Tea Partier reaction would be to stock up on food, load up on ammunition and hide their daughters.

Currently we are awash in politics and punditry, and it will not only remain so, but obviously escalate as we draw closer to the 2012 Presidential Election. And even for a Beltway buff such as nycityman, this inundation of all things Washington can eventually become tedious and tiresome, but… not if you set it to music! So in this, the third entry of the 2012 Presidential campaign edition of “Over the Cuckoos Nest: Your Republican Candidates,” “… and several butcher’s aprons” presents, with chest-swelling pride, Herman “Pizza Man” Cain in 4/4 time. The proliferation and popularity of cocaine-themed pop hits produced during the classic rock era presented a plentiful and populous potpourri from which to pick. We’ve already alluded to the Grateful Dead’s “Casey Jones” in the title, and after days of deliberation and intense consultation, the judges decided to go with a song written by J.J. Cale and most famously performed by Eric Clapton, “Cocaine.” Before proceeding, may I suggest that you might like to bookmark this page, as a year or two from now someone may reference Herman Cain and, more than likely, all that name will stir is a vague, foggy, cloudy memory, that this little tune may help clarify.

If you’re thinking hey, gay
Matrimony no way
Herm Cain
If a mosque’s where you pray
Who will ban those prayers away?
Herm Cain

He says 9
He says 9
He says 9
Herm Cain

Can be bought by a Koch
And then serve him, no joke
Herm Cain
If you’re currently poor
But you wanna’ pay some more
Herm Cain

They say 9
They say 9
They say 9
Koch Cain

Want a Mexican fence
Electrified for our defense?
Herm Cain
And a moat filled with crocs
Should someone survive the shocks
Herm Cain

He says die
He says die
He says die
Herm Cain

Medicare is gone
Soc Security passed on
Herm Cain
Right to choose is nixed
Every man best just get fixed
Herm Cain

He says 9
He says 9
He says 9
Herm Cain

Just say nein
Just say nein
Just say nein
To Herm Cain

And now, as is our custom, in our wonderfully fair and balanced, totally unbiased and impartial way, the lampooned subject is given an opportunity to speak for themselves and therefore respond to the blogs acutely critical nature. So, with sincere apologies to Jack Handy – Deep Thoughts by Herman Cain.

“I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations (Occupy Wall Street) are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration.”

“The objective of the liberals is to destroy this country”

“I’m not sure what you mean by neo-Conservative. I’m not familiar with the neo-Conservative movement.’

“The war in Iraq was a mistake. There were a lot of benefits that came out of Iraq.”

“I don’t think the current minimum wage is necessary”

“Many African American have been brainwashed into just voting Democrat”

"It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’"

“Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks. If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.”

“I do not hear them proclaiming Hillary’s religious affiliation or her socialist tendencies, Barack Obama’s Muslim educational past or John Edwards’s distinctly socialist tendencies.”

“I was asked if I’d be comfortable with a Muslim, and I would not be comfortable with a terrorist in my cabinet.”

“And many of the Muslims, they are not totally dedicated to this country. They are not dedicated to our Constitution. Many of them are trying to force Sharia law on the people of this country.”

“There's this creeping attempt, there's this attempt, to gradually ease Sharia Law, and the Muslim faith into our government. It does not belong in our government”

“INTERVIEWER: You’re saying any community, if they want to ban a mosque?
CAIN: Yes. They have a right to do that. That’s not discriminating based upon religion.”

And for what it’s worth, his pizza chain perpetuates negative Italian-American stereotypes.

Eric Clapton and “Cocaine”