 |
| A match made in Hell |
But you're still
checking each other out
Nobody wants to
blow
Nobody wants to be
left out
You can't leave,
'cause your heart is there…
It’s a family affair.” - Sly Stone
In light of Rudy “3 Wives Down, 3 More to Go” Giuliani’s
recent sage, wise and indignantly ignorant and judgmental public proclamations
on the morality, integrity and probity of Stormy Daniels (liberally bookmarked
on Rudy’s laptop for meticulous and conscientious research only, that vat of
Jergen’s is just coincidentally nearby)
and the converse goodness, righteousness and perpetual purity and virginity of
Donald “My Next Wife Hasn’t Even Been Born Yet” Trump’s triumvirate of spouses,
numbers two and three each an
extramarital mistress, in turn, prior to betrothal, “… and several butcher’s
aprons” significantly less than proudly, and with some trepidation and extreme
degrees of shame, brings you -
Rudolph Giuliani Presents: Uncle Rudy's Guide to Love, Marriage and
Sexual Mores
 |
| Rudy and cousin/first wife |
It’s a Family
Affair
Whether you’re America's Mayor and have copulated with
cousin, or the King of the United States, and desire to diddle daughter, remember,
it's always better to bed, betroth and breed blood, for if you marry outside of
family, you never know what you’ll catch from a stranger.
 |
| Donald with daughter/wife |
Til Death Us Do
Part
Marriage is a sacred institution, not to be entered into
unadvisedly or carelessly, but reverently, joyfully and in the love of God.
Consequently, the more the better! Display your devotion to this honorable
estate by partaking in it aplenty - the more marriages, the more divorces, the
more moral. As the classic vows profess – love is patient, love is kind. It
does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude. Love means never having to say
you’re sorry. Love is all you need. Love, love is strange. Love is funny, or
it's sad or it's quiet, or it's mad, it's a good thing or it's bad but
beautiful. Love is a battlefield (I fear I have lost my rhetorical way, no more
Spotify while writing.) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres… never lasts. Aim for a minimum of three marriages.
Home is Where the
Heart is
When possible, move your mistress (future wife 3/future,
future ex-wife 3) under the same roof where you blissfully, familially cohabitate with wife
duex and children. Should you reside in a municipally financed mayor’s mansion
mores the better. It will save your
chauffer effort, save you from prying paparazzi, save time, save steps - save
everything but face, your soul, or the forever scarred psyche of your offspring.
“ I don't respect
a porn star the way I respect a career woman or a woman of substance or a woman
who has great respect for herself as a woman and as a person and isn't going to
sell her body for sexual exploitation.” – Rudolph Giuliani
She Works Hard for
the Money
From the book of Giuliani 2:22 -24, “And the rib, which
the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall
be called Woman, how much for a BBBJ, a Full Service or Around the World?” And
thus it has always been and thus it shall always be - a man will pay a woman
for sex, remain honored and revered and perhaps even ascend to the planet’s premiere
pinnacles of power, and $130,000 will commence that carnal negotiation. But the woman solicited for said service,
shall forthwith be disregarded, disrespected and disparaged, but for the sole
specific exception of erotic nude models hailing from Slovenia.
"If
you're going to sell your body for money, you just don't have a reputation. I
may be old fashioned, I dunno." – Rudolph Giuliani
 |
| Melania and friend, "old fashioned" girls |
Next time, stay tuned for Rudy's anxiously awaited follow
up, “Sex and the Single Cellmate.” When
you’re as pretty as Rudy and Don, a life sentence doesn't have to mean a life
of celibacy – coming soon, to a blog near you.
“It's a family affair, it's a family affair
It's a family affair, it's a family affair”
Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions,
cash contributions? Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com
