In the Air, There’s a Feeling...

Christmas in the City 2

“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year” - Charles Dickens

Buon Anno, Feliz Ano Nuevo, Gluchliches Neues Jahr, Bonne Annee and Happy New Year to all,  as we observe that most arbitrary of events, New Year’s Eve - celebrating and commemorating the irrelevant and insignificant turning of a calendar page, one of 365 - bringing with it the imagined promise of a new year, neglected then discarded resolutions, and the culmination of the two-decade long, Clinton coronation.

For those still hiding and fearful in the safety survival shelters constructed for the sure arrival of apocalypse and unmitigated disaster at the recent turn of the century – all's clear. You’ve missed much – Netflix, the rise of the Kardashians, the fall of Bill Cosby, the first African-American President, and in racist reaction, the ascendance of a bigoted, ignorant, fascist as Republican Presidential front runner – given further consideration, perhaps it’s best to linger even longer within those protective walls. Enjoy your Spam and powdered milk and like a groundhog with agoraphobia, never emerge again.

As for yours truly, the party-pooping, clearly miserable sot that I am, my yearning for the yule endures unabated for, once again, the oft-elusive Christmas spirit continues unfelt and unrealized, but hopeful exultation of Christmas 2015 remains. Yes, even at this turn of a new year, I stay anxiously awaiting the arrival of the essence of Edmund Gwenn (or Sebastian Cabot or Richard Attenborough, should you prefer one of the unnecessary remakes) and the heralded, holiday sentiment of Herald Square. It may be a too late and ultimately lost cause, but still I persevere, enjoying the choral sounds of the Mormons in their Tabernacle, the youthful pop/rock of Darlene Love and Ronnie Spector, and the tuneful dreams of Bing’s White Christmas in an era when climate change has rendered my city, New York, a tropical winter getaway.

With this seasonal struggle in mind, I leave you with a rewrite of a Christmas classic, from Mame, Jerry Herman’s “We Need a Little Christmas.” No need to alert Mr. Herman, he seems like such a nice man, why break his heart, especially around the holidays?

I Need a Lot of Christmas

Malls decked out jolly

Though, every other store is shutting down again.

Work’s melancholy,

The Christmas party’s cancelled, faces frown again, now.

So, I need a lot of Christmas

It hasn’t come real near me,

Perhaps a mug of gluwein,

Can anyone here, hear me?

Cause, I need a lot of Christmas

Apparently it fears me.

No drummer boy’s been drumming,

If I’m lucky coal is coming.

I’ve spruced up the spruce tree,

Hung my cat’s stocking on the mantle ledge again.

He felled that spruce tree,

Now both our nerves are set right on the edge again now.

So, I need some kind assistance,

My spirit’s been persistent

It’s Scrooge-like in resistance

At least I’ve been consistent.

And, has anyone a tissue?
The angel on my shoulder,
Has a bladder issue, now.

Thanks for the Dunkin gift card

The book by Sarah Palin,

In wrapping I used last year

    Just what were you inhalin’? 

At least we’ve got the New Year

Here to disappoint us

We need a lot of Christmas now.

And now, enjoy Johnny Mathis’ proper performance of the yuletide standard.

Any comments, questions, criticisms, candid confessions, cash contributions? Contact me at butchersaprons@mail.com.