Rick Santorum: Time Traveler!!

Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: Your 2012 Republican Candidates


“… for pure, blind stupidity, nobody beats Santorum. In my 20 years in the Senate, I never met a dumber member.” - Mark Salter, aide to John McCain,

“I'd say that Rick Santorum has one of the finest minds of the 13th century.” - Tom Ferrick, The Philadelphia Inquirer

“Radical feminists have been making the pitch that justice demands that women and men be given an equal opportunity to make it to the top in the workplace.” - Rick Santorum

“So I go insane
Like I always do” - Lindsey Buckingham


A mysterious stranger born of an ancient peoples, he’s traversed the corridors of time with the cruel, ruthless and merciless intent of spreading his bizarre and barbaric behaviors and beliefs. With him, he carries a sacred satchel containing only mid-twentieth century, suburban-American sweater vests. Each sanctified garment represents a core tenet of his antediluvian philosophy and ideology - inequality of the sexes and races, religious intolerance, rejection of science and fact, bigotry toward the gay community, the promotion of ignorance over enlightenment, and the dread fear of all things sexual. His eventual objective - to eliminate any traces of women, homosexuals, non-Catholic Christians, college students, the poor, the working class, union members, teachers, individuals with skin tones more than two shades darker than his own, liberals, Birkenstock retailers, vegetarians, intellectuals, scientists, every member of the Field family - Frank, Storm and even Allison, immigrants whose last names are exceptionally difficult to either spell or pronounce, Williamsburg hipsters, choreographers, the Children’s Television Workshop-creators of Sesame Street, and of course, the Blue Man Group (a point of agreement) from the surface of our beloved planet (the very same terra firma that he believes requires no ecological attention, as it exists solely for the purpose of humankind to use and then to drain of its resources); and to destroy modern civilization as we know it. He’s known only by the name - SANTORUM! Rick Santorum - righteous hero to none;
combatant in the war against progress; enemy of equality, education, environmentalism and evolution - virtuous champion of one-time, formerly controversial topics that have been settled lo these last many eons, since the wheel and fire were considered the iphone and ipad of their day.

Possible President to be Santorum, is “anti” issues no one ever has been “anti” of before in the entire history of politics. Caesar Augustus would deem him old-fashioned and backward thinking (but then upon his passing make him a god, as was the want in olden days when a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking - Santorum, Roman God of the Sadly Clueless, Lucky Enough to Have Nice Hair Though) He’s anti-education! Who has ever cautioned us about the creeping, skulking dangers and temptations of a good education before? A pertinent fact - the unemployment rate for college graduates stands at 4.5%, while it is 9.5% for those without college degrees. He’s anti-separation of Church and State - a religious zealot who is actually against freedom of religion, as the First Amendment is the only thing standing between Rick and his required membership in our potential new state faith, in which we will now be worshipping the ancient Aztec god, Huitzilopochtli. He occasionally demands a human sacrifice but there are an exorbitant number of paid holidays, so it fairly evens out. He’s also anti-contraception as, much like the mother in “Carrie,” and the high school classmate who found herself in the unfortunate circumstance of having Santorum be her “first” - Rick believes sex to be dirty, nasty and sinful (just as it should be when performed properly) and an act to be reserved only for the marriage bed and even then only for the purpose of procreation, As Santorum has 7 children, we can be hopeful that wife. Karen, has only had to suffer through the tender, skillful, soulful, artful, passionate, Marvin Gaye-like, love-making of “Rick the Quick” just those 7 times.

Is Santorum actually the backwards, ignorant, bigoted, hate-filled, small-minded cretin he appears to be (I say this, of course, with a generosity of spirit, complete impartiality and without a hint of irrationally, angry exaggeration) or is he, in point of fact, shrewd and aware that his most likely pathway to secure the Republican nomination is to appeal to the lowest common denominator.- to appeal to the haters and the intolerant. His social politics are certainly pre-20th century, and he takes his policy cues more from Matthew, Luke and John than from Washington, Jefferson and Adams - and the modern day Republican has gotten so far to the right that he may be exactly what they're looking for. They're bitter and angry that women and homosexuals and blacks and other minorities have made so many strides and they blame them for their own troubles and insufficiencies. The presence of a black man in the White House was the final straw to push these extremists out of the shadows and into the mainstream GOP. Now they’ve got a candidate breathing reactionary, regressive fire, while cloaking his fanaticism in the flag and crown of thorns.

As always, in the “Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” series, we like to conclude by allowing the subjects to bury themselves with revelations of their own nonsensical, fanciful, implausible, but embarrassingly memorable quotations. Santorum has been such a font of foolishness and preposterous proclamations that he has clearly demonstrated his qualifications to serve as Governor of Alaska.

On the virtues of higher education -
“President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob. Taught by some liberal college professor trying to indoctrinate them,”
"I understand why Barack Obama wants to send every kid to college, because of their indoctrination mills, absolutely ... The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country."
"62 percent of kids who go into college with a faith commitment leave without it,"

On his obsession with the indecent nature of sex, often with particular care and attention to the detailed depictions of explicit, sweaty, hot man-on-man action, the likes of which have not been heard outside of a Marcus Bachmann Yahoo chat -
“Woodstock is the great American orgy. This is who the Democratic Party has become. They have become the party of Woodstock. The prey upon our most basic primal lusts, and that’s sex. And the whole abortion culture, it’s not about life. It’s about sexual freedom. That’s what it’s about. Homosexuality. It’s about sexual freedom.”
“It comes down to sex. That’s what it’s all about. It comes down to freedom, and it comes down to sex. If you have anything to with any of the sexual issues, and if you are on the wrong side of being able to do all of the sexual freedoms you want, you are a bad guy."
"contraception... it's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. (Sex) is supposed to be within marriage"
"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest... It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog"
“[Gay marriage] threatens my marriage. It threatens all marriages. It threatens the traditional values of this country.”

On his religious moderation and acceptance of those with other beliefs -
“But is there such thing as a sincere liberal Christian… the answer is, no, it’s not. I don’t think there is such a thing…You’re a liberal something, but you’re not a Christian.”
"When you go so far afield of that and take what is a salvation story and turn it into a liberation theology story, which is done in the Catholic world as well as in the evangelical world, you have abandoned Christendom, in my opinion. And you don’t have a right to claim it."
“I don’t believe in an America where the separation between church and state is absolute.”

And now, Lindsey Buckingham performs, "Go Insane.” ‘Nuff said.

Sarah Palin: Profile in Cowardice

This blog entry will be somewhat different in tone than the usual, "... and several butcher's aprons" post. It will lack the standard jokes, similes and snarky comical attitude. Even the closing song intended as additional commentary will be missing for, unfortunately, the subject at hand is too serious for such frivolity. Some time ago, I had optimistically hoped that our days of addressing the problem of Sarah Palin had been left behind in the dustbin of history. She had appeared to become as irrelevant as Marcus Bachmann at a Playboy mansion soiree. This heartless harpy has received enough of the public attention that she so obviously and pathetically craves, that we no longer wished to contribute to fulfilling that need for her - then Gabrielle Giffords, and her wonderful and devoted husband, Mark Kelly appeared on the television news magazine "20/20," and Palin, once again, became a relevant topic.

Now, often the most effective way to rid ourselves of puerile, public figures poisoning our political system and population with their ignorance, intolerance and hatred is simply to ignore them. Nothing wounds a Palin or a Glenn Beck more than a lack of what they most pathologically desire - publicity. And, as previously stated, we have made a concerted effort to avoid any mention of such sad individuals. But upon viewing Gifford's travails on TV, one cannot help but feel ire that Sarah Palin - she of "don't retreat, reload," the gun sight map specifically targeting Giffords by district and name, one version of which also contains the message, "we've diagnosed the problem...help us prescribe the solution," among many other examples of her steady stream of violent rhetoric and imagery - has not herself taken responsibility, nor has been held accountable for the acts of violence that followed, culminating in the tragic shooting of Giffords and the many attendees at her rally that day. 

The fact that Palin still maintains a public profile, and didn't just quietly withdraw to private life to pray to whatever demonic deity could produce such a selfish, sanctimonious shrew, and ask forgiveness for her many reprehensible words and deeds, says more about this miserable human being than any outside observer could possibly express. 

What's tragic and sadly ironic is that Gabrielle Giffords now valiantly and bravely struggles to regain her brain functions as a result of someone who never had any to begin with.  Sarah Palin must never hold a place of political importance and influence again, our country and its people are far too great for that.

To end this piece on a positive, more germane and proper note, we salute Representative Giffords and Retired Captain Kelly who show, despite the news coverage to the contrary, that in our culture, our world and our country, the brave, the courageous, the good people, far outweigh and far outnumber the vile, the venal, the vitriolic, the vulgar, the Palins, that we are cursed with and that seem to be a necessary evil and consequence of a free and open society. We should all hope that someday we can find in someone what Giffords and Kelly have found in each other and that no future Sarah Palins plague us with their presence.

Saturday Song Selection - The Grass Roots: Wait a Million Years

“As love is reality,
When you are near to me, I am in ecstasy
I'd swallow the pain and pride
Baby, I just can't hide all that I feel inside”





It’s feeling as if this may be a proper moment in time to lighten things up a bit here at “… and several butcher’s aprons.” The recent bountiful barrage of caustically controversial political pieces thankfully, remarkably and thrillingly, increased readership by almost twenty-fold. However, the sudden exposure to a much larger audience also brought with it responding streams of invectives heretofore not experienced. We learned, through this multiplied and more open interaction with the virtual universe that, for example, nycityman is “vile,” needs to take a long hard look at himself in the mirror, and is a writer whose talents are neither worthy of posting nor reading (the comment that most cut me to the quick, but admittedly, it is a quick in need of some minor cutting.) In certain quarters, I’ve been portrayed somewhat as a left-wing answer to Glenn Beck, and although I’d prefer Jeff Beck, I actually think that’s kind of fantastic in the sense that it’s very satisfying that someone is not only paying attention but is motivated enough to strongly comment and critique - whether it be of a positive or negative nature. But, for the present, a change of pace - return with us now to the thrilling days of yesteryear (Hi Ho Silver, away) to a calmer time, a more peaceful time, a time of love and joy, and a time of going to San Francisco wearing flowers in your hair – as we revisit “Saturday Song Selection.” We’ll play a memorable, beloved ditty, have some good-hearted merriment with birthday acknowledgments, and an enjoyable, innocent time will be had by all - suitable for readers of all ages and all political persuasions – sans preaching, pontificating and proselytizing. It’s been a long time, now I’m coming back home. I’ve been away now, oh how, I’ve been alone (wait - now there’s a great song, and although not the subject of this “Saturday Song Selection” it will be posted here as an extra added attraction.)

The Roots of The Grass Roots

Perhaps this is one of those bands of the classic rock era whose name you may just vaguely recognize. Maybe you can even recall one song of theirs, but more likely you can’t actually name any of them. Then you scan Sirius, happen upon an oldies station, and soon are singing along to one of the many Grass Roots hits you never before credited to them – “Midnight Confession,” “Wait a Million Years,” “Two Divided by Love,” “Temptation Eyes,” “Sooner or Later“… on and on (though not “On and On,“ the Stephen Bishop standard.) Some impressive facts - from 1967 to 1972, The Grass Roots set a record for being on the Billboard charts 307 straight weeks. They’re one of only nine bands that have charted twenty nine or more Top 100 Billboard singles. They have sold over twenty million records, and have earned one platinum album, two gold albums and thirteen gold singles.
Considering their admirable achievements, their origins and history are a little unusual. In essence, the Grass Roots began as a fake assemblage – like the Archies, the New Kids on the Block or the 2012 Republican Presidential candidates - at first, not much more than a dream someone once had (or in the case of that GOP roster, a nightmare.) Songwriters, Steve Barri and P.F. Sloan were charged by Dunhill Records to compose some folk-rock songs, the burgeoning musical trend at the time. They penned a few and recorded them with studio musicians. Hits emerged and unexpectedly they had to put together an actual group to assume the mantle of the record label owned moniker, The Grass Roots. Initially, The Bedouins, an already existing band did the Clark Kent to Superman-like transformation and a pop-rock saga began. Yet the Bedouins lasted in this new incarnation for but for a short time and another group, The 13th Floor, replaced them to become the most successful, most stable line-up of what was to be an ever-evolving congregation. In total, 33 different members have passed through the Grass Roots, an organization as flexible, malleable and changeable as Mitt Romney’s convictions – nycityman is anxiously awaiting his opportunity. Among the many Rooters was Creed Bratton, now stretching his talents to portray Creed Bratton on “The Office.”


Saturday, November 5th Birthdays

1963 Tatum O'Neal - The youngest Academy Award winner in history, at age 10, for “Paper Moon,“ as daughter of Ryan O’Neal and ex-wife of John McEnroe, also the unfortunate recipient of the “Worst, Most Repugnant Men in Any Woman’s Life” honors. A relationship with the recently deceased Moammar Gadhafi would have been a step in the right direction for her.

1947 Peter Noone - Obviously his name wasn’t Herman and he really wasn’t a hermit, so for a career and persona built on maliciously contemptible, ugly and deceitful lies and obfuscations, designed to deceive millions of gullible young people throughout the world - a very likeable guy with a healthy catalog of hit songs to his credit. As a child he also acted in the eternally running British drama, “Coronation Street.” Eyewitnesses report that Mrs. Brown’s daughter was not nearly as lovely as consistently insisted on by Noone.

1941 Art Garfunkel - Primarily known through much of his career as “and Garfunkel,” a tradition later continued effectively by “and Oates,” his individual recognition grew with his Golden Globe nominated performance in “Carnal Knowledge.” He was, of course, half of the greatest duo of the rock music era, blessed with a distinctive and amazing voice and, most importantly, born in Queens, part of nycityman’s five borough domain.

1940 Elke Sommer - German-born actress and 1960’s and 70’s hot number, possibly best remembered for being the object of an unpleasantly aging Bob Hope’s distasteful film and TV lechery. The lustful “tiger-growl” just isn’t as comical or charming with the vibrating dentures.

1912 Natalie Schafer - The late Ms. Shafer appeared in 17 Broadway plays and dozens of Hollywood features from 1941 to 1989 and yet she is known solely for a role she played in a bad TV sitcom that lasted a mere 3 seasons - “Gilligan’s Island,” Author of the autobiography, “Cutely Refer to Me as Lovey One More Time and I Can’t Promise I’ll Be Accountable for My Actions with this Ice Pick… Dear,“ she and co-star, Jim Backus are personally responsible for the way every comedic actor has chosen to depict a wealthy person for the last four decades.

1911 Roy Rogers - We’re wishing happy trails to the “King of the Cowboys” wherever he may now be. Star of 100 films as well as a radio and TV series that ran a combined 15 seasons, and an inductee to the Country Music Hall of Fame; with “Queen of the West” wife, Dale Evans, he founded and supported numerous children’s charities. No joke here, it’s Roy Rogers, he was an icon and sometimes it’s good just to learn.

This song transports me back to childhood summer days and WABC radio. Although, it’s really just run of the mill, standard 60’s pop, it has greatness, and even if you’ve never heard it before see if you can stay still while listening. Presenting the Grass Roots with that love song of exaggeration, “Wait a Million Years” -



And as promised, and previously alluded to, a special “Saturday Song Selection” bonus - the Beatles and “Wait.”

Herman Cain - Drivin' that Train, High on Koch-Cain

Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Your 2012 Republican Candidates

“If they ask me who’s the President of Ubeki, beki, beki beki stan stan, I’m gonna’ say you know, I don’t know.”

His poll numbers are rising faster than Marcus Bachmann’s blood pressure at a K-Pop concert, but will this love affair last? Is this Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, or less-fortunately, Angelina and Billy Bob Thornton (sans blood vial necklaces)? Undeniably, Herman Cain is the Republican/Tea Party’s latest “flavor of the month,“ and while it is refreshingly unusual, unanticipated and unexpected that the GOP’s flavor would be chocolate, is this a genuine expansion of the Republican base and reach, or is this merely the political version of saying, “See, I’m not prejudiced, I have a black friend; and that Hank Aaron was a Hell of a ballplayer?” History, ideology and behavior suggest the latter. This is the Tea Party, keep in mind, the people who arrive at demonstrations carrying signs of Obama as an African witchdoctor, Obama in white face and of Obama and wife, Michelle, dressed as a pimp and prostitute. Are we to believe that these same citizens are suddenly enthusiastic for a Presidential election with two African-Americans running against each other? Will we next discover that they also voted for Carson Kressly and Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars? No, I fear it’s more likely that the average Tea Partier reaction would be to stock up on food, load up on ammunition and hide their daughters.

Currently we are awash in politics and punditry, and it will not only remain so, but obviously escalate as we draw closer to the 2012 Presidential Election. And even for a Beltway buff such as nycityman, this inundation of all things Washington can eventually become tedious and tiresome, but… not if you set it to music! So in this, the third entry of the 2012 Presidential campaign edition of “Over the Cuckoos Nest: Your Republican Candidates,” “… and several butcher’s aprons” presents, with chest-swelling pride, Herman “Pizza Man” Cain in 4/4 time. The proliferation and popularity of cocaine-themed pop hits produced during the classic rock era presented a plentiful and populous potpourri from which to pick. We’ve already alluded to the Grateful Dead’s “Casey Jones” in the title, and after days of deliberation and intense consultation, the judges decided to go with a song written by J.J. Cale and most famously performed by Eric Clapton, “Cocaine.” Before proceeding, may I suggest that you might like to bookmark this page, as a year or two from now someone may reference Herman Cain and, more than likely, all that name will stir is a vague, foggy, cloudy memory, that this little tune may help clarify.

If you’re thinking hey, gay
Matrimony no way
Herm Cain
If a mosque’s where you pray
Who will ban those prayers away?
Herm Cain

He says 9
He says 9
He says 9
Herm Cain

Can be bought by a Koch
And then serve him, no joke
Herm Cain
If you’re currently poor
But you wanna’ pay some more
Herm Cain

They say 9
They say 9
They say 9
Koch Cain

Want a Mexican fence
Electrified for our defense?
Herm Cain
And a moat filled with crocs
Should someone survive the shocks
Herm Cain

He says die
He says die
He says die
Herm Cain

Medicare is gone
Soc Security passed on
Herm Cain
Right to choose is nixed
Every man best just get fixed
Herm Cain

He says 9
He says 9
He says 9
Herm Cain

Just say nein
Just say nein
Just say nein
To Herm Cain

And now, as is our custom, in our wonderfully fair and balanced, totally unbiased and impartial way, the lampooned subject is given an opportunity to speak for themselves and therefore respond to the blogs acutely critical nature. So, with sincere apologies to Jack Handy – Deep Thoughts by Herman Cain.

“I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations (Occupy Wall Street) are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration.”

“The objective of the liberals is to destroy this country”

“I’m not sure what you mean by neo-Conservative. I’m not familiar with the neo-Conservative movement.’

“The war in Iraq was a mistake. There were a lot of benefits that came out of Iraq.”

“I don’t think the current minimum wage is necessary”

“Many African American have been brainwashed into just voting Democrat”

"It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’"

“Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks. If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself.”

“I do not hear them proclaiming Hillary’s religious affiliation or her socialist tendencies, Barack Obama’s Muslim educational past or John Edwards’s distinctly socialist tendencies.”

“I was asked if I’d be comfortable with a Muslim, and I would not be comfortable with a terrorist in my cabinet.”

“And many of the Muslims, they are not totally dedicated to this country. They are not dedicated to our Constitution. Many of them are trying to force Sharia law on the people of this country.”

“There's this creeping attempt, there's this attempt, to gradually ease Sharia Law, and the Muslim faith into our government. It does not belong in our government”

“INTERVIEWER: You’re saying any community, if they want to ban a mosque?
CAIN: Yes. They have a right to do that. That’s not discriminating based upon religion.”

And for what it’s worth, his pizza chain perpetuates negative Italian-American stereotypes.

Eric Clapton and “Cocaine”

Rick Perry: The Man Who Knew Too Little

Over the Cuckoo's Nest:
Your 2012 Republican Nominees



“The people of the town are strange
And they're proud of where they came” - Doobie Brothers


His poll numbers are dropping faster than the SAT scores at an all-Tea Party high school, and so before he joins the ever-burgeoning ranks of once promising front-runners; now irrelevant, future Fox News contributor, Republican Presidential candidates, “… and several butcher’s aprons" examines Texas governor, Rick Perry.

“He’s like Bush only without the brains,” - an anonymous, fellow Republican governor. There’s a statement to send chills up the spine - like George W. Bush, but lacking his stunningly mediocre intellectual capacities and curiosities - that’s like saying the next governor of New Jersey would be like Chris Christie only without the six pack, or a future governor of Alaska, like Sarah Palin but sans her devotion and dedication to duty. However, if one is to question the intelligence and cerebral capabilities of Governor Perry, it requires more than just snide similes and unsubstantiated allusions - in the name of accuracy and evenhandedness, it demands actual facts and figures, and when applicable and attainable, even words from the man himself.
We here at “…and several butcher’s aprons” have never and will never post anything stated as fact that has not been researched and can not be verified as such; and beyond that, never let it be said that we will not make every possible effort, no matter the difficulty, risk of personal injury or even chance of incarceration, to obtain needed relevant and vital information. With that creed in mind, we rounded up the old Impossible Mission Force - the strong man, the electronics expert, the master of disguise and, of course, Cinnamon, the femme fatale - and at great personal expense, sent them to Texas A&M University for a daring and dangerous records robbery in an attempt to secure a copy of Rick Perry’s college transcript. Upon failure of said task and tragic, but required, cyanide pill ingestion, it was discovered that one merely need search on Yahoo Images and dozens of jpegs of Perry’s college career are there free for the taking and easy to download and save - all thanks to Al Gore and his fantastical internet machine. So, here for your amusement and leisurely personal perusal we proudly present, Governor Rick Perry’s Texas A&M college transcript.



As you can see for yourself, young Ricky Perry received a total of 2 “A’s,” out of 59 total letter grades during his 4 years at university. Again, the man who would like to lead the most powerful, consequential and complex nation, government and economy on the planet and who, in doing so, would become the most influential single individual in the world, managed to eke out 2 “A’s” out of 59 grades. This was a student who warranted more “C’s than Beanie and Cecil and earned more “D’s” than a Hollywood plastic surgeon. Recalled a Perry classmate in an interview with the Huffington Post, “A&M wasn't exactly Harvard on the Brazos River. This was not the brightest guy around. We always kind of laughed. He was always kind of a joke.” So, If ignorance is bliss, it appears that Rick Perry is a 4 year old with a brand new puppy, John Boehner with a fresh crate of Coppertone or Marcus Bachmann at a live “Glee” concert - and shouldn’t we really shoot for more than adequate, middling and just getting by when selecting the Commander in Chief of the greatest country the world has ever known?

Like all good Conservative’s Rick Perry is pro-life - unless you’re actually alive that is, and then he’s overseeing more lethal injections than a roadie at a Sex Pistols reunion tour. He‘s the Louis the 16th of the electric chair, the Annie Oakley of the firing squad, the Pat Sajak of the hangman’s noose. Rick “the Executioner” Perry is responsible for the executions of 234 people, among them, juveniles and the mentally disabled. Perry loves executing people like George W. Bush loved…. well, executing people - it seems to be a great Lone Star State tradition handed down from faux-Cowboy governor to faux-Cowboy governor. Perry’s also a very religious man, he’s held big prayer rallies (non-Protestants need not apply,) encouraged his fellow Texans to pray for rain during dry spells, yet Commandment number 6, “thou shalt not kill” has somehow missed his notice. Benjamin Franklin famously stated, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” well Dubya and Executioner Rick have adapted and updated that classic quote to, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death in Texas.” (Thank you, Chico Marx.) And speaking of the cowboy image shared and beloved by Bush and Perry, I believe as a nation it’s high time we mature passed this western, John Wayne cowboy, movie-hero, fictional character fixation. Bush and Reagan already played that B-movie role in the White House, do we really need a repeat performance? Can we stop elevating grown-up, macho little boys, holding them up as some sort of ideal and electing them to lead us? They’re not Butch and Sundance, they’re frat boys in Stetson hats and Dingo boots. I can buy those too, and in the heart of Manhattan, and that doesn’t mean I’m dueling at high noon, punchin’ little dogies and bedding dance hall girls (well, maybe I’m doing just that one.) We don’t have candidates running as genies or pirates, why cowboys?

Before sharing the sage declarations of the unlikely future leader of the free world, just a few more pertinent points -

Rick Perry, who’s running against the federal government as an almost evil entity, whose main stated objective is to make that government inconsequential in people’s lives, (standby for hypocrisy) accepted 17 billion dollars of that vile, heinous, Socialist Obama’s stimulus money, as well as a $1,000,000 federal government health reform grant from (shudder) “Obama-care,” and personally received $72,687 in federal farm subsidies between 1987 and 1989. It’s that influx of stimulus money from the big bad, enemy of the people federal government that played a large role in Texas’ economic solvency. Those funds were essential to balance the state budget that he boasts so proudly of doing.

Perry has said, and repeated frequently, that the stimulus package created zero jobs. The non-partisan congressional budget office counters that falsehood with the fact that, in reality, it saved or generated 1.6 million jobs. Even a “D” student should have the math acuity to sense a difference between those two figures. Repeat a lie often, and it’s still a lie.

Rick “Jefferson Davis” Perry, a man who loves the United States so much that he wishes to lead it on to better days, has threatened Texas secession from the Union - multiple times. And this from a candidate who called Ben Bernanke treasonous?

Governor Perry has enjoyed a long, no doubt, loving marriage, but his mistress and true soul-mate is Big Oil - for passionate Perry has made many a generous and ardent overture to that tempting Texas Tea. All wrapped up in a silver bow and a box from Tiffany’s he’s adoringly offered, among other things, ending all regulations on fracking and CO2 emissions, while disallowing any further regulating; allowing drilling on environmentally sensitive lands; slashing the EPA budget by 60%; and repealing tax incentives for the development of renewable energy while increasing tax subsidies to the oil companies. Now that's true infatuation.

And finally as sensitive and tasteless as this is, it must be mentioned that, since the 1980’s, the Perry family has leased a hunting ranch that goes by the name of “Niggerhead.” I assume no further commentary is necessary on this subject.

As always, in these Over the Cuckoos Nest political profiles, it’s the shrewd, astute and perceptive words of wisdom from the subjects themselves that best tell the tale and carry the day. Looking for ludicrous, embarrassing or obtuse Rick Perry quotes is akin to looking for condoms in a Kardashian’s nightstand or forged prescriptions in Rush Limbaugh’s desk - not quite the challenging search for the Holy Grail.

"Juarez is reported to be the most dangerous city in America." – referring to a city in Mexico

“When you have a clearly open homosexual scout leader, the scouts are going to talk about it. And they're not there to learn about that. They're there to learn about what it means to be loyal and trustworthy and thrifty.”

“Scouting ought to be about building character, not about sex. Period. Precious few parents enroll their boys in the Scouts to get a crash course in sexual orientation.”

"George W. Bush did a incredible job in the presidency." – the almost 4500 American soldiers and more than 110,000 Iraqi citizens lost in the Iraqi War might have an issue with that also, that is not a typo, he said “a incredible job…”

“It's a theory that's out there. It's got some gaps in it. In Texas we teach both Creationism and evolution." –Rick Perry, in response to a child who asked him if he believed in evolution

"From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented." —Rick Perry, on the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico

"Texas is a unique place. When we came in the union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that. You know, my hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention. We've got a great union. There is absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what may come out of that?”

"If this guy prints more money between now and the election. I don't know what y’all would do to him in Iowa, but we -- we would treat him pretty ugly down in Texas. Printing more money to play politics at this particular time in American history is almost treacherous -- or treasonous in my opinion." - threatening the life of the head of the Federal Reserve

“Young Hispanics in Texas can aspire to be the next Rolando Pablos, the chairman of the Texas racing commission; maybe the next Roberto de Hoyos, who heads our economic development shop; and one of my favorites, the head of the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission Jose Cuevas. Is that awesome? That is the right job for that man." –Rick Perry, bombing with a joke about Jose Cuervo tequila while speaking before a Latino convention

“I think in America from time to time we have to go through some difficult times — and I think we’re going through those difficult economic times for a purpose, to bring us back to those Biblical principles of you know, you don't spend all the money. You work hard for those six years and you put up that seventh year in the warehouse to take you through the hard times. And not spending all of our money. Not asking for Pharaoh to give everything to everybody and to take care of folks because at the end of the day, it's slavery. We become slaves to government.”

“If you don’t support the death penalty and citizens packing a pistol, don’t come to Texas.”

And now we stay in Texas as the Doobie Brothers perform a song with a legendary, and instantly recognizable, opening riff - “China Grove.”




Michele Bachmann: Truth Shall Never Pass These Lips

Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Your 2012 Republican Nominees




“I'm not a deep thinker on all of this. I wish I was. I wish I was more knowledgeable.”



Michele Bachmann’s presence in the race for the GOP Presidential nomination allows “… and several butcher’s aprons” to happily revive a series began in 2010, “Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Your Republican Nominees.” We previously featured Carl “I’ll kick your ass” Paladino, Sharron “Second Amendment remedies” Angle and Christine “I am not a witch” O’Donnell. Should you be interested, and where would I be if you were not, the links for each will be posted below.

Thankfully, if you do what I do, trying to make funny out of politics - a subject that largely leans much more toward the malicious than the mirthful - you have to thank your lucky stars that the Republicans, once again, are fielding a fine assemblage of comically incomprehensible and inconsequential candidates - more Section 8 than 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. One might suggest, if one had such callousness in them and certainly nycityman does not, that a more appropriate location for the 2012 Republican National Convention, rather than the planned Tampa’s St. Pete Times Forum would be New York City’s Bellevue Hospital. Some might even suggest that this field has more nuts in it than Grandma’s Christmas fruitcake, more loons than a Eurasian aviary and more screwballs than Tug McGraw’s left arm (for you non-Met fans, go with “more crack pots than a china shop on the San Andreas fault” or “more whack jobs than a Corleone family baptism“) - but you’ll never read such slander on this forum.

In a party and occupation where flagrant falsification and promiscuous prevarication is the expected mode of behavior, Bachmann is the rabbit at the dog track - she’s the pace setter. Amidst a rogues gallery that in better days couldn’t have competed for summer, day-camp president, never the less President of these United States; among this destitute collection of wanna-be and never was GOP pretenders; this assortment of oddities and eccentrics that would have been rejected from the Island of Misfit Toys - Michele is to the lie, as Segovia was to the guitar, Astaire to the dance and Alfalfa to the croon - a fantastical fabricator of facts and phrases. Lest you suspect I advance such claims haphazardly, referring to one of the early GOP debates - “Politifact.com, the Pulitzer Prize-winning fact checking service, found 17 of Bachmann's 24 statements to be false.“ And should you desire more evidence that Bachmann tends to the extreme in every possible arena, there is the fact that she has had 23 foster children. That’s not fostering, that’s hoarding. Michele Bachmann collects kids like Home Shopping Network devotees do cubic zirconians and Hummel figurines.

So now we present Michele Bachmann in her own words - Michele Bachmann of whom Sigmund Freud would have bemoaned, “oh man, even I can’t do anything for her, let Jung take a shot.” - translated from the original Austrian, of course. She of the frighteningly frozen, wide-eyed gaze - a silent movie-like, facial expression that constantly communicates a perpetual state of being goosed. A woman Will Rogers would have met and proclaimed, “okay I take it back. “ A politician whose list of lies is longer than the Desperate Housewives’ cast botox injection schedule. When you read the untruths, the malice, the pure ignorance present in Bachmann’s statements, you’ll wish she had demanded the same level of excellence (or at least proficiency) for herself that she does for immigrants. For those hopeful Americans, she stipulates they be capable with English, knowledgeable in American history and conversant on the Constitution - with those standards, if Michele was a foreigner desirous of citizenship, her most likely pathway would be through a loveless, business-arrangement of a marriage, and we know that is something she would certainly never contemplate.

Bachmann’s solution to the country‘s economic crisis -“I think if we give Glenn Beck the numbers, he can solve this [the national debt].”

On the dangers of (gasp) homosexuality - “Why is it so dangerous? It leads to the personal enslavement of individuals. Because if you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. Personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement.”

More on the dangers of homosexuality - “He goes home then, and says ‘Hey mom, what’s gayness? We had a teacher talking about this today.’ The mother says, ‘Well, that’s when a man likes other men and they don’t like girls.’ The boy’s 8, he’s thinking, ‘I don’t like girls. I like boys. Maybe I’m gay.’ … You don’t think that’s intentional, the message that’s being given to these kids? That’s child abuse.”

A note - Michele’s intolerance, revulsion and abhorrence of homosexuals, with the possible exception of her husband, Marcus, is legend, and easily dominates any presentation of Bachmann bon mots.

“The immediate consequence, if gay marriage goes through, is that K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it.”

''And what a bizarre time we're in, when a judge will say to little children that you can't say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.''

On her second favorite evil - “Yet he continues to push his far-left, socialist agenda on the American people. And today, he has declared war on marriage. I will continue to do everything in my power to fight back against Barack Obama’s attacks on marriage “

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

''We will talk a little bit about what has transpired in the last 18 months and would we count what has transpired into turning our country into a nation of slaves.''

Conversations with her top political advisor - “I said Lord, what would you have me do in the Minnesota State Senate? And just through prayer I knew that I was to introduce the marriage amendment in Minnesota.”

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?'

Her astounding grasp of American history - "But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. ... I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly -- men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country."

And finally, Michele speaks with the first African American Chairman of the Republican National Committee in a parlance with which she feels he will be most comfortable - “'Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man!''?

Next time, on “Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Your 2012 Republican Nominees” - Rick “the Executioner” Perry - “When you have a clearly open homosexual scout leader, the scouts are going to talk about it. And they're not there to learn about that. They're there to learn about what it means to be loyal and trustworthy and thrifty.”

And now, legendary garage band The Knickerbockers, with “Lies" - after which you'll find the aforementioned links to the earlier essays.



nycityman.blogspot.com/2010/10/over-cuckoos-nest-3-your-2010.html
nycityman.blogspot.com/2010/10/over-cuckoos-nest-2-your-2010.html
nycityman.blogspot.com/2010/09/over-cuckoos-nest-your-2010-republican.html

Presenting - HUMANitea PARTY MOVEMENT

“We can change the world
Rearrange the world
It’s dying -
to get better” - Graham Nash

One single, solitary individual with absolutely no connections, no political pull and an extremely limited number of hair follicles (okay, this is irrelevant, but I needed a third thing for pacing and rhythm) trying to start a nation-wide and hopefully, influential political movement – just how out of control is the sense of self-worth and self-regard of nycityman?! Well, in this era of exploding social media when cats getting tickled and homeless people boxing tournaments reap thousands, if not millions, of views and followers, why not give something positive a shot? Impossible, you retort? Well, nothing's impossible I have found, for when my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again (maybe that wasn’t me but rather Fred Astaire.) So, as a natural outgrowth of “… and several butcher’s aprons” I proudly and egotistical announce a further expansion of the sticking of my nose into other people’s business, and the proselytizing of my know-it-all political opinions, with the HUMANitea PARTY MOVEMENT (look at those caps, this must be important.) Simply stated, our goal is to bring rationality, humanity and compassion to political discourse and policy, and to counter the corporate agenda of the Tea Party. We are the anti-Tea Party. My motivation for such an endeavor – the recent depressing and chillingly positive, almost giddy, audience reactions at the recent GOP debates to the concept of the deaths of fellow American citizens - or perhaps I’m just desperately trying anything to elevate myself to such a position of power that no woman would ever consider spurning my advances again – you decide.

At present, HUMANitea PARTY MOVEMENT exists on but a Facebook page, but soon we hope to grow and expand to other media as well. In the meanwhile, the link to the page is attached in this posting and will permanently be in the list of links on the right side of the blog. Below is the HUMANitea Manifesto as published on Facebook.

I can’t do anything alone so, seriously I implore you, if you find anything to your liking here, please join the movement and share with like-minded companions. Much obliged, “we can change the world.”

HUMANitea PARTY MOVEMENT Manifesto

Putting rationality, compassion, humanity, equality and tolerance back into the political discourse and placing people above corporations - the Humanitea Party is a true, genuine grassroots political movement, and an answer to the corporate created and corporate financed, faux grassroots movement that is the Tea Party. We promote true traditional American values of freedom and fairness and acceptance of all, and not the anti-minority, anti-poor, anti-immigrant, anti-working class interests that the Tea Party, its corporate overlords and the rest of the Extreme Right endorse as their form of American values. A primary goal is to counter the Tea Party - to counter the influence, to counter the falsehoods, to counter the big business agenda. We must oppose the negative, verbally violent, anti-American rhetoric of their movement which inevitably creates the type of atmosphere that leads to the joyous and jubilant reactions to executions and uninsured dying that we recently witnessed at GOP debates. Built on a foundation of lies and deception, the Tea Party uses the suffering working class to unwittingly further the power, wealth and influence of the affluent and the business interests - all masked by the flag and the cross, and disguised as a movement for the benefit of the middle class.

“We can change the world, rearrange the world, it’s dying - to get better.” We may indeed be capable of changing the world, but in order to do so - where now we are few, we need to be many. As individuals we are powerless, but as an assemblage of individuals, we are empowered. Thanks to technology - thanks to Facebook, thanks to Twitter, thanks to emails, Skyping, texting, smart phones, tablets, thanks to every little wonder of the world wide web - anybody and everybody can have a voice now - how one chooses to use that voice is of supreme importance. You can have a voice and just make a calculated and caustic cacophony like the Tea Party or you can have a voice and with it affect your country and society in constructive ways - and that is the foundation of, and the reason for, the existence of the Humanitea Party. This is a movement for progressive, positive change, Humanitea believes in science, history, facts - supports enrichment, education and enlightenment in any and all its forms. This page should be a place for a civil and intelligent exchange of ideas - never juvenile name-calling or hate speak - a forum to discuss issues, policies and candidates; and of equal importance, whenever possible, an environment to attempt to right wrongs, to correct injustices, to defend the defenseless. I encourage everyone to post on here whenever made aware of political or social issues, inequities or injustices they feel need be addressed.

Please join me and do so swiftly, we’ve only got until the 2012 election to turn this tide of intolerance, this fear of knowledge and facts, this disregard for science and history, this lack of human kindness, compassion or charity, this taking from the poor to give to the rich that has been embraced by so many in American politics and now infiltrates the Republican Party, muting its more moderate members. Humanity must always play a principal part of the political process and the needs of people must always remain absolute.

www.facebook.com/pages/HUMANitea-PARTY-MOVEMENT/237144423004966