Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Over the Cuckoo's Nest 3: Your 2010 Republican Nominees

Sharron Angle
People are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I'll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out."

What can be said about Sharron Angle that hasn’t already been said about Charles Manson? Although, I do have to admit to having a bit of a soft spot for Angle, one almost has to feel sorry for her, as she clearly has no capacity to camouflage her craziness. Her lunacy is just so completely lacking in subtlety. Christine O’Donnell has cultivated a certain coyness, a coquettishness, an almost child-like innocence that aides in disguising her heinous intentions. Weekly Standard centerfold, Sarah Palin, goes with a more overt sexuality. She attires herself in that skin-tight, S&M leather jacket with the zippers over the nipple region (sorry kids.) She winks at all the old rich, Republican white guys, and then blows kisses in their direction, which is apparently enough evidence to the aged randy GOP’ers that she has the qualifications to run our republic. Have you ever seen Pat Buchanan get all jittery and frisky, and hot and bothered when discussing Sarah? It’s not a pretty sight. It’s embarrassing for him. It’s embarrassing for her. And it’s embarrassing to witness. But Sharron can pull off neither Palin's MILF-technique nor O’Donnell's youthful naïveté. Angle’s more the nutty old lady down the street with the 75 cats and every periodical she’s ever purchased since 1959.

Now, in recent weeks, you’ve no doubt heard more than you’d ever want to hear about Sharron Angle, so what’s left to add to the debate? Musical comedy. Has anyone else discussed her policies or her beliefs in song?! I think not. So, to the tune of “Bloody Mary,” from the musical “South Pacific,” presented from the viewpoint of a tea bagger - and really, who appreciates a good Broadway musical more than a tea bagger? – “Sharron Angle is the Girl I Love.”

Sharron Angle is the Girl I Love
Sharron Angle is the Girl I Love
Sharron Angle is the Girl I Love
‘Cause she’ll shoot Harry Reid

Says if she loses you should be alarmed
It’s your sworn duty to do others harm
The constitution lets you take up arms
So go shoot Harry Reid

You’ll keep the fetus you bore from attack
Or when your uncle forced you on your back
Or if it kills you just like Bernie Mac
‘Cause she says that’s God’s plan

(instrumental break)

She’ll strip your freedoms from you if you’re gay
Or Ramadan is your big holiday
Your education grants will go away
Big business needs that dough

If you are jobless she will take your cash
Thinks unemployment pay’s a lazy rash
Social Security she’ll also dash
And then kill Medicare

Knows fluoridation is an evil plan
Joined a militia like a proper man
Now she’s an Oath Keeper and has a fan
In violent, inbred folks

Sharron Angle is the Girl I Love
Sharron Angle is the Girl I Love
Sharron Angle is the Girl I Love
‘Cause she’ll shoot Harry Reid
‘Cause she’ll shoot Harry Reid!

"I think that two wrongs don't make a right… they found that they had made what was really a lemon situation into lemonade." - Senseless Sharron’s cheery reasoning on why she would forbid abortion even in cases of rape or incest.

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